I am a bloody coward. such a scaredy cat. It's 4 in the morning and i'm at a friend's place. I couldnt sleep so i switch on the tv. Playing on hitz.tv is the Chemical Romance's Helena. Boleh tak bulu roma aku tiba2 berdiri for a simple reason that music video has got people in coffin? Hehe... bapak lame aku nih. Owh Gwen stefanie.... cool chic. Someone said she's too scrawny for his liking, but i think Gwen has a great body and if i were a guy i'd definitely go for someone like her. Hoho... taste tinggi tu. Tapi kalao Gwen look alike is not interested, Nik Yati pun boleh la... ahahahaha...Anyway, she's in this video "Cool". It's about (yeah, i know you oredi know) being cool with your ex. Like, still befriending your despite your past and present. Exes is quite an interesting topic to bla bla bla about. Pardon me if you think it's boring, it's four in the morning and it's only me and my garfield eyes and the idiotbox, so it is understandable that my judgment is a bit off right now.


Now, how many exes do i have so far? Lemme count ...hoho... macam player jer... no, i'm actually not a player i'm more of a playee :( I have 2 official exes and two unofficial ones. Dont even bother asking how come the unofficials come into the picture. It needs another lengthy entry pulak. Am i still cool with all of them? Pretty much. Except with the first exes, i'm pretty much in contact with all of them. I'm not that friendly with my first ex for the sole reason that he doesnt really matter in my life, ofcourse i dont mind exchanging HIs with him but i seldom bump into him so, that's about it. We dated for about 3 months. It's quite a short time and we were so young but this one i owe so much to. He indirectly taught me about relationship more than anyone else. He taught me that love is not what it all cracked up to be. One day you are so deeply in love the next day you are crying your heart out because love disappoints you. Yes as at today i'm in love and my heart is full of love for Duan but now i caveated a small space in my heart, contingency sake. When i broke up with my first ex i was a mess. I went into hibernation for more than one year, refused to take anyone into my life and abuse myself with the memories. First cut is the deepest. That is sooo true for me. Second time i got errr dumped ... it was a breeze. I cried and dwell in self-pity for two weeks, then got on my feet pretty quick. I now i can confidently say that if ( but i hope not) anything should happen to my current relationship, i will get back on my feet fast. I promise. It is easier to move on if you know that it's not solely your fault. That you have tried to make it work. If it doesnt work, it's never meant to be. And the best is yet to come.

I remember hating all my exes especially when the break ups were still fresh. But then soon enough i couldnt find enough hatred to harbour against them that i had no choice but to forgive them. I find it's kinda fun going out with them and observe them and think to yourself... "what on earth was i thinking???" hehehehe... ye lah... what on earth was i thinking... :P