Land of The Unimportant

2006-08-23T09:17:00.000-07:00

I'm on a new diet. It allows me to eat as much as i could and not fell guilty and uncomfortable afterwards. With this new diet, getting slim is not guaranteed but you would definitelly not feel deprived. Like tonite, i had spagetti, banyakkkkk sangat and still have room for ice cream and grapes and jelly and satay ikan and that really nice 3-in-one coffee yang ade perasa tongkat ali tuh... thereafter, i just barf everything i ate.

I'm tired of trying. I'm sick of hoping. I just want to let it be but i cant coz i feel guilty and uncomfortable... I just want to savour all the flavors foods have to offer. If only i can feel happy being fat... i know can't, so.... for the time being i'll stick to barfing. It's not nice (especially after eating soomething spicy) but that's all i can do.

WHY IS IT SO HARD TO LOSE WEIGHT????!!!!!!!

lem pit

2006-08-13T07:05:00.000-07:00

Wah, Malaysia memang boleh!!!

"...Aqasha lies bare chested in bed when Julia stripped down to her spagetti starp, climbs on top of him and gives him a body massage of sorts" - boleh

"...scene with Aqasha and Julia bathing in a river that ends with Aqasha briefly touching Julia's breasts"- boleh

One of the viewer even commented that "it was like watching a foreign movie". Good, now mission accomplished. Malaysia boleh.

I have no problem with sexy scenes. Or even nudity. i love them. I welcome them....mueheheheh... Tapi biasa i tgk omputih je buat adegan seksi-seksi depan kamera (exception: WNA, Najwa, Datin etc), it's a different thing seeing orang kita doing it, for commercial purposes. Yes, i bet the the saucy scenes would pull crowd. I bet David Teo can hear the cash cow mooing... (anyone seen his face in last Friday's Malay Mail? You got my point. Thank you).

I might sound a lil conservative here but i am not sure with the new level of leniency shown by the censorship board. Even the Julia who played the role of a Bohsia in this film admitted that she was embarressed when she first watched the movie but "...it was my rsponsibility to give my best to make the role believable when i agreed to play that character.." Dont worry Julia, your mom would understand. This girl takes her work seriously. Bravo. The fact is, regardless of how modern we are now, we are still malay. Being malay there are certain unwritten rule that should be observed. And i dont think the Malays who involved in this film does that and they try to justify the sauce scenes by saying that the this is a movie about the lives of mat rempit, so the scenes are appropriate. Wah... that being said, then in a movie about prostitution, nude scenes would be fine la... Yahoooooo!!!

It's a slippery slope. When such scenes are allowed, it opens door for something more... bak kata org melayu, "diberi betis nak peha" kasik peha nak ape??? Ha... jawab...

2006-08-10T03:03:00.000-07:00

"As i told you the other day Duan, you are always right... except for times when i disagree with you... "

Kacang Dalam Kondom Yang Bertuah

2006-07-31T08:30:00.000-07:00

Ahah.... so Yana lied to me! Remember in my previous post, i wrote that i was told that my ex's gf is not pretty? Not true. Not true. Yana was just protecting me... from the truth. Patut la ko stammered when i asked whether she's pretty... Heheheheh.... i so love my friends... very protective and supportive. They know when to tell the truth and when not to. Mak sukeeeee..... Now, where was i.... ah... that ex.... aweks dia cun siot wa cakap lu!!! Camaner la awek dia tu bley nak kat dier??? Isk... isk...And i thought he now looks like handful of peanuts stuffed in condom... Ah... i know! she must have something for ugly people, like i did the last time... muehehehehe.... years ago.... when the only wisdom in me was my wisdom tooth, i was addicted to this childish relationship. A relationship wherein calling each other bitch and bastard is cool... A relationship where there are nightly calls but no words are spoken (aku tak kira! Janji kau calll!!! setannnn), a relationship where i thought the more pain and suffer i endure the stronger the love is (love my ass).... I am clean now. Sober and much happier.... Now i learn that love is a game where two can play and both could win... i now know and experience for myself how two people could give and receive the same amount of happiness... i dont have to love him more than he loves me and he doesnt have to love me more than i love him... coz we are equally in love... oleh itu, kepada Encik Kacang Dalam Kondom, saya mengucapkan selamat maju jaya dalam hidup anda (tapi kalau kau tak maju dan tak jaye dalam hidup pun, aku tak ambek pot jugak)....

2006-06-13T02:18:00.000-07:00

Dear Thief,

How could you steal my purse. I just bought it. I bought it in Disneyland. Because of you i dont think i would be able to sleep at night. I will miss my Mickey Mouse purse. It was a cheap purse but i love it nonetheless. I miss the coin compartment. I miss the Mickey ears shaped zipper. My gloomy days became cheery once i reached into my handbag and pulled the colourful purse out. How stupid of you Mr Thief, the money you got from my purse is grossly unproportionate to the sin that you have incurred and the curse that i have cast upon you and your girl/boyfriend.

I hate you. Because of you i cried in public at the KLLC. That was so embarassing. Now how am i supposed to go there next time? You have tarnished the macho gal image that i have been projecting all these while. How am i supposed to go there again????

Because of you i have to run here and there. Because of you i have to re do my IC, my driver's licence and even apply for new zing. Because of you i have to block my ATM and credit card, do you know how crucial the plastics are when my impulsive buying attack? U just dont get it , do you? i have less than 40 bucks in my wallet when you took it. Serve you right. If you use or give my cute purse to your niece, i hope she will grow up fat and unattractive.

There goes my insurance card. Now i have to ask for a replacement. Now i have to call my insurance agent, Ken. I know he'd ask me if i have deposited this month's premium or not. Well, i havent!! I have no money :(

Sampai hati you curik duit i... tu harta anak yatim tu. I anak yatimm.. uhuk..uhuk.....

2006-05-22T02:56:00.000-07:00

I acknowledge the fact that as time passes by, people get more evil, heartless and mean. I'm kinda immune to the crime news everytime i read the newspaper. Rape here, kill there. People are so fucked up. This morning i saw a very disturbing image on the front page of the Malay Mail. A little boy was killed and stuffed into a suitcase. A lifeless little boy, with his pale tiny feet stucking out of a floating suitcase...... I couldnt shake it out of my head... hope it's gone by tomorrow...

2006-03-23T20:41:00.000-08:00

"Duan, remember that time when i said your ex girlfriend is pretty?"

"ye"

"Actually i tipu. I rasa dia tak lawa. I lagi lawa...HAHAHHAHHAHA!"

Am i mean? I proceed to ask Duan whether he's angry or not at my remrk. He said no. Which made me mad. Apasal lak tak marah? Marah la, tipu arrr kalau tak marah. Ni nak tipu aku la ni!!! But then, i would have been more mad if he's mad. Sebab itu tandanya dia still care. Which is.... i need not tell you, kan?

Women.

U might ask, why in the first place i said his ex was pretty if i actually thought that she's not, and now i'm saying she's not pretty. So, here's the thing. She is actually ala, boleh tahan la. So i was telling the truth, plus i wanted to impress Duan on how much an honest, open minded, unemotional woman i am. Hahahahha... I think it is in women's nature lah. We will always have this hostile feelings towards women who

a) are dating our exes

b) are exes of our man

c) are dating our man (ni nak kena pancung la ni)

If you say that you LIKE the person who falls under a), b) or c) i say you are lying. U could fool people around you. But you cant fool yourself, Unless you are THAT stupid...hehehehe

But there is an exception. I found myself loving this gal who dated the man i dated.

One day i met my ex (actually this is a revelation, Duan jgn marah... i pass kad kawin jer and i wanted to see his expression, priceless). Too bad he was already seeing someone when i passed him my invite, so the impact was not that great. Ceh, buang karan je. Anyway, we talked and talked. One thing after another until we came to the part when he confessed that he left me for another gal. I knew it, but hearing it from his own mouth was so ... i dunno how to describe it. But that's not the best confession, that came out of his mouth that nite. There's more.

I acted as if it didnt bother me. No, no, no... i made it looked like it bothered me at first but i have forgiven him and moved on and my life now is soooooooooo much better without him (which is truly the case, duhhhh). Then when i gained his trust he continued to membuka pekung di dada..hahahaha best..best... He told me that he actually fell for his collegemate. A young gal age of 19. He fell so hard for her. He spent so much on her. Paid for her college fees for 1, 2 semester (am not sure busy cursing him silently that time), gave her money bla bla bla... she even sold his camera and she pretended that it was lost (did i tell you we procured that fucking camera together? i helped him bought that camera with my Gloria Jeans money!!!) and then to repay him, this gal went and sleep around! At this juncture, my ex's face was so gloomy, I wonder how i managed to put on that sympathetic face when all i wanted to do that time was DANCE, do the CHICKEN DANCE, flip my imaginary wings in his face and lead a choir of BOOOOOOOOOOOO in his face. Instead, i smiled sympathetically and said, "kesian kau". God, i'm such a fake.

Just when i thought he had said allthat needed to be said, he said this "...masa tu, aku menyesal break dengan kau..." . Ok now, let's put on the chicken suit and do the chicken dance.

That time i was in love with the girl who dated the man i dated coz she made him realised how stupid he was to leave me (well, at least for her).

Now that he's dating someone else, someone nice (according to him) and i am happily married. We are even. And i heard that the new girlfriend is not pretty. Ahhh thank God. Eh, is that hostility? No wonder, she is a) the woman who dates my ex.

Havva nice weekend

2006-03-13T20:27:00.000-08:00

I wish not to see anyone at this period of time. I wish not to attend any wedding, school reunion, family gathering. I dont want to see new people. I dont feel like mingling. I dont feel friendly. Not today. Not now. Coz i'm FAT. And i'm depressed. And i hate people telling me how gigantic my ass is now. I know. It's my ass.

I put on 3 kg since my wedding day. Additional 3 kg doesnt sit so well on an already bloated figure. My cloathes dont look good on me. I hate them! But i refuse to buy new clothes in bigger size. It's an admission, an acknowledgment, an acceptance of the new fatter me. I hate myself. Duan, i know you love me. But i'm not sure if you really mean it when you said i look ok. Coz i dont feel ok.

I dont want to get pregnant (not yet) but somehow i silently pray that this weight gain is caused by the baby that's (actually not) growing inside me. So when pretty gals come to me and tell me that i look fattter now, i can tell them sweetly, "i tgh pregnant..." . But i'm not pregnant (last time i check) and i'm not ready to love any other human being more than i love myself. So, a baby is soooo not wanted now. Thank you. And yes, quit asking me, ko dah berisi ke sekarang ni? Bosan.

Oh, did i mention that i HATE my hair? It's too long. Panas. Buruk. KG. bENCI. No amount of rebonding would make it look good. Wanted to cut it short but Duan LIKES it LONG. So, my dear... i will grow my hair long enough that people will mistake me for some pontianak. Just for you dear. Besides, if i ut it short, it will emphasize my no-so-small face. Babi. Life is full of choices you cant make.

Am moving to Bangi soon. Not planning to drive. With the recent increase in fuel price, Johan drinks more than i can afford *sigh* So, i'll be taking the train to work. Let's say court/office starts @ 9, so journey frm Bangi to Kl Sentral will take about 45 mins, grinding thru crowd to get a place in LRT to Masjid Jamek/Dang Wangi takes about 20-30 minutes, misc 30 mins (gotta have buffer, you'll never know what's coming your way). Total= about 1 hour 35 mins. Wah..wah.. wah.. nampaknye saya kena bangun awal pagi untuk pergi kerja. Saya tak suka!

Benci ah. Benci betul.

Saya rasa sedih dan tak keruan sekarang. Laki saya pun rasa pelik. Kejap saya ok kejap saya tak ok. Jangankan laki saya, Saya sendiri pun pelik. I should be able to control things. I mean, it's my body and my feelings and my state of mind. If i cant control them. I cant control anything in this world. Like i cant make rain or change the river flow or the fuel price. I can only hate myself. Even more. Now.

Happy Birthday, Chicky!!!

2006-02-20T20:51:00.000-08:00

Sorry la Chics, aku tak jumpa gambar ko tgh baring... heheheehe

Ni kawan kita, nama dia Sharina… kita sayangggg dia sebab di ni baik dan pandai masak. Dia juga rajin memberikan kata-kata pujian setelah dipancing oleh kita. Biasa nye kalau kita nak dia cakap kita lawa, kita cakap je, “Aku tak lawa…” nanti mesti dia cakap, “eh mana ada, kau lawa lah…” Hehehehe… mek sukeeeeee…

Tahun lepas masa hari jadi kita, Sharina buat satu entry pasal kita kat blog dier, lepas tu dia letak gambar kita tgh baring2 gitu. Malu kita rasa tau… Tapi dalam entry tu dia cakap dia sayang kite… kita pun sayang dier jugak…. *blush*

Sharina Roskamal, Happy 26th Burfday, Allah bless you and remember that there will be light at the end of the tunnel… here’s to 13 years of good times together and many more…..

2006-02-16T18:37:00.000-08:00

Look at those two mothers beaming. Smiling ears to ears. After _____ (ni sensitip, tak leh letak muhahahaaha) years of waiting, Puan Maznah finally secured herself a daughter in law (one who can't really cook, tho'... :P ). And Puan Halimah thought to herself, "yes! one down two more to go...". And i couldnt remember what went thru my mind that very moment coz it happened so fast. I've been asked what it's like to be married so many times (kalau nak tau sangat kawen la sendirik, duhhhh.... ) . Erm... lemme put it this way, once married i felt that all burden has been lifted off my shoulder (might be contrary for the groom...hehe). I feel peaceful and secure, i'm glad to know that everyday after work, i'll be going back to someone... and i know if i screw up , there'd be someone to save my ass... manyiak lega wooooo

Tu ju lah kot.. dah jangan tanya-tanya lagi... ptuwekkkkk :P

2006-02-08T06:51:00.000-08:00

WRITER'S BLOCK

2006-01-27T02:16:00.000-08:00

Hehehehe... kak Non baru balik kerja ni. Masa dalam cab tadik abang cab tu pasang pulak radio kluar lagu Iris Awie yang baru tuh. Syahdu jugak la Kak Non dengar tangkap leleh jap Kak Non kat dlm cab tu sebbaik abang teksi tu tak nampak Kak Non kesat2 mata Kak Non yang basah dek kesyahduan tu... awwww...

Tapikan... bila sebut pasal Awie ni Kak Non teringat lak kat adik Kak Non nan sorang tu, Erra. apa citer dia dgn cik abang yusri dia yang gorjesss gitu. Dagu terbelah cam Erik Estrada...awwww sekali lagu. Kak Non harap, apa-apa masalah antara diorang boleh lah disettlekan secara amicable gitu, tak yah lah berjauh hati lama2, all the best... Kak Non kesal tengok ramai adik-adik Kak Non dalam dunia hiburan ni cerai berai, mungkin tak de jodoh... tapi masyarakat pun satu, suka nooo nak pressure2 org sikit2 nak ambek tao hal rumah tangga orang luar dalam, cuba masa mengumpat tu digunakan untuk menjaga kebajikan anak2 tu, mesti kes bohsia bohjan menurun peratusnyer..heheheeh...

Berbalik kesah Erra dgn Yusri tu, Kak Non harap Yusri cuba la pujuk Erra tu... ah, Kak Non ada idea, apa kata Yusri dedicate kat Erra lagu Iris Awie tu... syahdu tu... hati mana yang tak cair.... tak cayer??? Nanti Kak Non postkan lirik dia, jap Kak Non nak google2kan lirik dia... jap eh...ha, dah jumpa dah... nah ambik kau... enjoysssss

kau masih kucintai,

sungguhdari awal dulu hingga hari ini

aku pasti seyakinnya pastikau lah satu untuk ku

kau masih dewi hatiku, sungguh

biar sejuta tahun hilang dihari

usah gusar, sayang usah raguaku milik mu

cintaku, jika ko tanya pada bintang

gemilauan sinar takkan hilangakan aku sinari dunia mu

moga terpadam sangsi mu

cintaku, jika ko lihat tingginya awant

akkan tercakar tinggi cintaku

hanya hatiku tau apa mahuku

dan duniaku pastinya milikmu

hingga ke akhir hayatku

kau masih kucintai, sungguh..

dari hari pertama kau kunikahi

aku pasti, yakin dan pasti

engkau milikku....

2006-01-01T19:20:00.000-08:00

Someone is getting married and she doesn't do a good work at distributing the invitation cards. So her man is bugging her to broadcast the invite online. Now dont ask me who this person is coz she really irritates me. I would just ignore her if she wasnt me... *sigh*....Peeps, i'm out of time and i have few stacks of unsent invitation cards, am going back for the wedding on the 5th... u are all invited (kalau sudi), however, i'll try to send those invites to you... i'll try... i'll try ( yeah rite nik...). Oh ya... here's the url

http://www.ridzuan.com/undangan

If you are in the area, please come, if you are bored, your eyeballs bleed do come, if you are scared of being vodooed by me, do come, but most importantly... if love me do come heheheheh...

p/s: unused invitation card for sale, with the help of a lil liquid paper, noone will notice my name was on it :P

2005-12-02T01:56:00.000-08:00

So what if I’m not thin
And have a double chin
So what if I’m not thin
It’s not like being fat is a sin

So what if I’m fat
Being fat is not that sad
Coz eventho’ you’re not fat (like me)
You are still not that phat (hohoho)

So what’s with big thigh?
With huge thigh I still get high
It’s not like my partner will die
if I hempap him with my thigh ( :P)
(or would he?? )

so what if I’m chubby?
It’s not that I eat like a b*bi
I grow fat as a hobby
Ala cute what chubby chubby like baby…

**defensive mode on**

2005-11-23T06:47:00.000-08:00

"BOYFRIEND SAYA CUMA K"

"ramai yang cakap I nak sorok boyfriend and tak nak mengaku status sebenar... mana ada... i cuma nak sedikit privacy untuk diri i..." Noki yang pernah popular dengan Sor Sor Sor memulakan perbualan kami petang itu.

" Selama ni boyfriend saya cuma K, i tumpukan penuh perhatian kepada K. Semua energy i i tumpukan untuk K. K lah yang paling penting dalam hidup saya.... Kepada peminat jangan salah anggap, K tu adalah KERJAYA saya. Saya tak fikir pasal nak berpacar-pacaran ni. " Noki meneruskan perbualan petang itu

"Tapi tu lah kak... tengah kerjaya meningkat naik ni la orang jeles dgn saya kak... sampai sanggup buat fitnah konon saya dah ada boyfriend betul la...dah bertunang la.... sampai sanggup buat gambar superimpose kak, ni saya jumpa gambar muka saya kena superimpose kak... kat internet plak tuh..." tambah Noki kesal sambil menghulurkan wartawan Manggis sekeping gambar.

"Tah lah kak... ada orang nak tabur pasir kat periuk nasik saya" ujar Noki lagi, lemah...

Tak paham kenapa ada dengki sampai gitu skali, tgk la sendiri gambar superimpose Noki dgn lelaki yang tak dikenali tu... kak Non dah teliti, memang superimpose. You all tengok la sendiri gambar kat atas tu, tak ke obvious tu superimpose...

Kak Non: Sabar la Noki, Linda ngan Edri pun pernah kena fitnah cenggitu, tapi diorang tak melatah sebab benda tu tak betul. Sebab.

ekstrak dari Majalah Manggis keluaran 15 November, 2005

2005-11-19T07:07:00.000-08:00

Kawan-kawan,

I changed my number. Rasanya dah notified semua tapi probably ada yang tak dapat my sms, sorry, my mistakes. Byk sangat tak ingat mana dah sent mana blom, sorry ek. And one more thing this week saya punya phone manyak suwey.... mesti byk org rindu sama saya mau telepon tapi tak dapat. Sorry. Tapi mlm tadik saya dah rectify itu problem. Special sorry to Cik Kai, sorry aku tak dpek nak call kau masa ari tuh number kau aku tak ingat, number org yang tau number kau pun aku tak ingat :P

2005-11-17T12:28:00.000-08:00

Laugh all you want. I know the Necklace is hideous, my mom made me wear it. What choice did i have. It was my engagement day and i didnt want to upset her. So now, i'm officially engaged to Duan. Hehe... macam tak caye... for me it was like main pondok-pondok.. when they called me to come out to the living room to salam with Duan's family, i stepped out and stepped back into my room.... and laughed. I just couldnt believe it... hohooho...

All my life i've been wondering who would be my suitor? Saper... abg burger tu ke... mamat jongang itu ka... lelaki kumis itu ke... finally when it's almost 100% confirmed. I just feel so err normal. Maybe i'm old enough now, marriage is not as scary as it seemed. Ala, sooner or later everyone's going to go thru it. When the time comes. Just do it. I can tell that my mom is so happy. Dia cuma berlagak macho dan tidak mahu mengalirkan air mata saje. I know i have neglected Land of The Unimportant lately. i have been busy. But i have my blog to thank. This barren land has brought us together. Despite your poyo 'i cant help but reading your blog everyday' message...Amad Liduan... saiya manyiak sayang sama awak...

Yo soy Niki La Fea!!

2005-10-25T16:15:00.000-07:00

Hunny and me, waiting to be auditioned for the part of Betty

Hehehehe... hunny would kill me if she knew i post this pic on the internet (nonetheless, i'm not worried, she doesnt read my blog :P).

There was this one point of time, Betty ruled my life. Oh, do you know Betty? Betty was an unattractive, smart accountant who worked in a textile company, Ecomoda (no, not that Euromoda lah...dun go looking for betty in Jalan TAR coz, it's not the same company!). She had a crush on her employer's son, Don Armando who was engaged to a mean lady by the name of Marcella (gosh!! i hate her). The couple treated Betty very bad. She was ridiculed because of her look, and to top that up... their equally mean secretary, Patricia also bullied Betty around. Banyak jahatttt. The only comfort Betty got were from her goofy friends in the company. They were bunch of equally unattractive ladies but they were all so high spirited and optimistic about life (if i remember correctly). Betty's doting mom gets worried so easily and her father was very strict. Oh, i did mention that Betty was unattractive, right? The look: bracess (full mouth), big glasses, dorky, curly oily hair. Like all other stories about ugly girls, of course Betty end up becoming pretty, people going gu gu ga ga over her and etc.

So, moral of the story is, rebonding does wonders. I am smart enough to follow Betty's suit and got my hair rebonded (is there such word? hmmm)... Well Betty's story ends well, not mine. Becoz of Betty i didnt go to my classes. Becoz of Betty my lecturer scoided me. Becoz of Betty i did not know how to answer my company law paper. All becoz of Betty huk..huk.. Now, dont get me started on Paulina Martinez...

No more latin soaps for me please...

2005-10-15T11:06:00.000-07:00

Hari ni takde update ye. Kak Nik nak gi shopping barang hantaran .. nyeh..nyeh..nyeh... come join me. I might need your 2 cents.

2005-10-10T07:05:00.000-07:00

Now, who are these beautiful women? These are my moms. The one in colourful blouse is my Umi (my stepmom) and my mother is the one holding the white handbag. This pic was taken during my last visit to my hometown. This is the house in which umi and my late dad raised 5 children.

I remember when i was small and my existence was unknown to Umi, dad used to bring us for a drive and passed this house and he would show me "ni rumah umi", i remember there used to be a biscuit factory somewhere near this house and without fail, whenever i eat the biscuit, i'll tell people "biskut ni buat kat umah umi saya". Once in a while when umi's away from KB visiing her children in KL, dad would bring me to this house so that he could take a nap while mom did her shopping in KB town (this house situated near town while our little house is somewhere near PCB). While dad took his nap i'll help myself to the puddings umi kept in her refrigerator, rummage thru my stepbrother's stacks of entertainment magazines, and checked out the family albums. I know my siblings' name by heart tho' i never met them in person back then. On the wall near the stairs leading to the 2nd floor umi displayed convocation potrets of her children. She has 5 children and 4 of them graduated, but of course she reserve five spaces, when her youngest son did not show any signs of graduation... dad always told me during one of our secret visits, "nanti ayah letak gambar tini kat sini" pointing at the empty space. ofcourse, it never materialised since dad passed away longgg before my graduation.

When dad got sick he spent most of his time at umi's house. Whenever i came back for holiday in KB, i'll come and visit him here. I will give him the "SPA treatment" he liked. He liked it when i plucked his uban, clean his nail, nose and ear, urut kaki. I'll play with his hair till he fell asleep, and left slowly when he started to snore. I will go the mall situated right next to the house. Yeah, few years ago they built a shopping mall right next to my umi's house. No more biscuit factory. To those who have been to KB or from KB they would know Billion supermarket... my umi's house is right behind Billion, first house.See that building with a hint of peach next to the house? that's Billion.

On my last visit umi told that the supermarket/the owner/whoever were buying her land coz they need to build a bowling alley or whatever. So, she and few other relatives who had been staying there for so many years would have to move out. They would have to bring the whole house down. What a waste. When i was there i could see that umi had been doing serious packing. No more graduation potret, no more beatiful antiques display. All went into the boxes. Bukan rumah aku pun, but i felt sad. I have memories there. Tho' tak banyak, but it left a lasting wonderful feeling remembering dad sitting on the couch smiling weakly at me whenever i come for a visit (cis, berair mata lak masa tulis nih! Grow up nik!!! Sensitif tak pasal2!)

i think they ore the house down already, Umi said the they were bringin the house down mid sept, i guess the house is no longer there now. Selamat tinggal 4082-G, Lorong Merican...

to all you who'd be playing bowling in Billion later, remember you are bowling on my memories.. Uhuk..uhuk...

2005-10-01T23:58:00.000-07:00

Oittt... Lied, mana gambar tunang Peachy? Camaner aku nak tulis entry pasal rombongan cik kiah ke JB kalau tak de gambar? Macam masak lemak tak de santan la cenggitu... :(

Anyway congrats to my good fren, Peachy who is now officially engaged to one lucky Emil... God bless, semoga kekal ke anak cucu. amin.

So yeah, the other day we went to JB for Peachy's engagement. I drove. Konon terror area JB la, tapi hampeh... ada la sesat-sesat sikit. The most prominent landmark in JB pada aku adalah none other than Sekolah Tun Fatimah itu, but it turned out that they painted the whole school in errr... somekind of PINK? So dont blame me for first kutuking the tacky looking building only to realise seconds later that it is actually my beloved alma mater... asal lain sangat?? I kinda like the old look. Cat dia cam berlumut2 sikit so nampak cam sekolah tu dah lama, pas tu bila dah lama mesti la rasa cam giller establish... pas tu bila established rasa bangga la. Tah apa-apa la aku merepek nih. Anyway.... Peachy dah tunang... pas ni sape agaknye yer?? hehe

:P

2005-09-24T08:43:00.000-07:00

AKU NAK KURUSSSSS!!!!!!

Huhuhu... camana nak kurus ni? No no no... jangan suruh aku senaman, tak mo! And jangan suruh aku jaga makan! aku pukul kang. Lemme rephrase, aku nak kurus tanpa perlu senaman atau menjaga makan. Lipo aku tak mampu. Tummy tuck looks scary. Tak de ke cara di mana aku boleh kehilangan 10kg sambil makan kfc depan tv.

Duan said i'm a result oriented kinda person. That is so true. I guess that's why a before and after ad appeals to me (plus the fact that i'm a sucker..nyehehehe). So, put your feet in my shoes and go down to masjid jamek lrt station area everyday and try not to get influenced by the massive ad campaign by...errr none other than Sendayu Tinggi. Hehehehe... setiap tiang landasan LRT ada gambar org gemuk jadik kurus. i ended up buying the slimming set jamu ... ye ye... kutuk la aku :( And started using it religiously (for two days). By day 3 i'm already frustrated. Asal tak turun2 berat badan ni? 100gram pun tak kurang ni... aku baca dalam majalah wanita seminggu dah boleh nampak kesan. Kalau aku pakai 2 hari tak turun apa2... i wont be getting the result that they got... the math is just not right! How am i supposed to lose 2 kg in a week if i cant lose 100g pun in two days. So pendek citer... anyone interested in 2nd hand Sendayu Tinggi jamu... going really cheap...mueheheheheh... :P man i'm pathetic.

I have a confession to make. I'm a sucker for slimming product.. Nasib baik la aku tak kaya, kalau aku banyak duit i'll be damned. Those who are close to me would have known the stuff i bought in my quest for a 38kg body hehehe... i'm going off to the Sony sale in Damansara now, i can list them all down now. But if u see my inventory... you'll pity me.

Hold it kuman, JANGAN SURUH aku jogging, aku tak mooooooooooooooooooooo

2005-09-17T05:24:00.000-07:00

I am a bloody coward. such a scaredy cat. It's 4 in the morning and i'm at a friend's place. I couldnt sleep so i switch on the tv. Playing on hitz.tv is the Chemical Romance's Helena. Boleh tak bulu roma aku tiba2 berdiri for a simple reason that music video has got people in coffin? Hehe... bapak lame aku nih. Owh Gwen stefanie.... cool chic. Someone said she's too scrawny for his liking, but i think Gwen has a great body and if i were a guy i'd definitely go for someone like her. Hoho... taste tinggi tu. Tapi kalao Gwen look alike is not interested, Nik Yati pun boleh la... ahahahaha...Anyway, she's in this video "Cool". It's about (yeah, i know you oredi know) being cool with your ex. Like, still befriending your despite your past and present. Exes is quite an interesting topic to bla bla bla about. Pardon me if you think it's boring, it's four in the morning and it's only me and my garfield eyes and the idiotbox, so it is understandable that my judgment is a bit off right now.

Now, how many exes do i have so far? Lemme count ...hoho... macam player jer... no, i'm actually not a player i'm more of a playee :( I have 2 official exes and two unofficial ones. Dont even bother asking how come the unofficials come into the picture. It needs another lengthy entry pulak. Am i still cool with all of them? Pretty much. Except with the first exes, i'm pretty much in contact with all of them. I'm not that friendly with my first ex for the sole reason that he doesnt really matter in my life, ofcourse i dont mind exchanging HIs with him but i seldom bump into him so, that's about it. We dated for about 3 months. It's quite a short time and we were so young but this one i owe so much to. He indirectly taught me about relationship more than anyone else. He taught me that love is not what it all cracked up to be. One day you are so deeply in love the next day you are crying your heart out because love disappoints you. Yes as at today i'm in love and my heart is full of love for Duan but now i caveated a small space in my heart, contingency sake. When i broke up with my first ex i was a mess. I went into hibernation for more than one year, refused to take anyone into my life and abuse myself with the memories. First cut is the deepest. That is sooo true for me. Second time i got errr dumped ... it was a breeze. I cried and dwell in self-pity for two weeks, then got on my feet pretty quick. I now i can confidently say that if ( but i hope not) anything should happen to my current relationship, i will get back on my feet fast. I promise. It is easier to move on if you know that it's not solely your fault. That you have tried to make it work. If it doesnt work, it's never meant to be. And the best is yet to come.

I remember hating all my exes especially when the break ups were still fresh. But then soon enough i couldnt find enough hatred to harbour against them that i had no choice but to forgive them. I find it's kinda fun going out with them and observe them and think to yourself... "what on earth was i thinking???" hehehehe... ye lah... what on earth was i thinking... :P

2005-09-01T12:55:00.000-07:00

I fancy that Marty guy in INXS Rockstar... i think he's intriguing with that deep-set eyes of his, i had to run for cover everytime his eyes meet mine... Oh, suka betulll lalalalalala :P Enough of that crap.. on to another crap... hoho...

I'm having brain-freez rite now. Just a lil' repercussion from today's meeting and i was supposed to take down minutes. But our client prefer to speak chinese ... so everybody was yadda...yadda...yadda.. in chinese for almost 2 hours and there i was trying sooo hard to understand the discussion anad look useful. Watched 13th Warrior? Remember that scene wherein Antonio banderas was watching those vikings talking to each oher and reading their lips and eventually he managed to understand what they were saying? Something like that...

I came across a friendster page of someone i had not seen for quite sometime. My my... you have changed. I have my thought on that but i'll just keep it to myself. I wont talk about it, but i will laugh. Now. Hahahahaha...

I'm sleepy. I need to sleep. . see ya.

2005-08-29T23:48:00.000-07:00

I love you more each nanosecond spent together....
And we've been spending lotsa time together...
I'm not good in Mathematics... but I think that equals to lots and lots and lots of love....

2005-08-27T22:04:00.000-07:00

I didnt go to work yesterday. Health reason, enuff said. Was watching the TV when Clay Aiken came about belting Invisible (or something). I'm not big on cute boy singer like him, but this song caught my attention. I listened carefully to the lyrics and i know it's about a guy admiring a gal and how he wishes that he was invisible so that he can get closer to her eventho she doesnt know of his presence (or existence). sad. have you ever been in this situation? Having a crush on somebody and dare not to try for you know you have no chance. It is ok if it's only a light crush but what if it's a head over heel crush?

When i was in college during my matriculation, it was an in thing to have a crush. Our residential college was an old college in UM where female students outnumbered their male counterpart. We were just a bunch of highschool leavers without any transportation. We barely got out of college, everynite we would hang out at a warung within the college vicinity. Seriously boring. So almost everybody developed a crush for -just anyone- there's not much choice, even the ugliest of senior had his own admirer :P Of course we were not serious about it, just to add spice and excitement in our monotonous life.

However, one of my friends fell so hard for a hot senior. He was a hotshot in college who didnt give a rat ass about us, the humble freshies. Very the kerek one. Everytime he passed us by we would struggle to keep a straight face while simultaneously kicking our feets under the table. And my friend would malu-malu kucing and says, "jangan la... dia tu heartless". She had a locket shaped of a heart. Cut the guy's picture (which i'm sure she got from a group picture in some club project) and stuck it there. I know she did it for fun but i also knew that she really liked that guy. We encourage her to make herself noticed instead of just staring from afar. My friend, FYI, is an attractive smart girl... admired by many but never paid any attention to her admirers. Maybe the best part of having a crush is the thrill of the chase. She didnt want to appear terhegeh-hegeh but she wanted to be noticed. So how? I dont quite remember how it actually started byt i think it was a muffin that get her noted. What on earth does a muffin has anything to do with the union of these two people? Simple. In one of her 'lucid interval' she got the courage to dedicate him a muffin.

Things started to roll pretty smoothly after that. Not fast, but smooth. Finally at our college dinner the guy approached her for a snap. We all watched from afar like a mother watch her daughter goes to prom with a boy for the first time. We dont know what exactly attracted him about her maybe the fact that she's spunky and made the first move appeals to him. To cut the story short they dated each other for almost 5 years before calling it a quit (but that's beside the point).

What i'm saying is, if you like someone, taking into culculation some external factors depending on each individual situation, i think generally u should make them know. Expressly or impliedly. Use your discretion not to scare them off. Dont be sorry or dont let yourself be in a situation where you constantly ask yourself what if? One is never too good for another nor not good enough for anyone. U might be Siti Nurhhaliza's dream guy (ye, contah saya poyo tapi paham what i mean kan?) Feelings is subjective, therefore dont assume too much. It's good to have basic presumption but dont let it stop you from trying. Preparing for the worst is good but dont undermine yourself.

Go on. make that move now and for godsake JANGAN LA JADIK INVISIBLE MAN. Just try, if dont make it, be sad for a while and move on. Dont dwell in self-pity. It's their loss not yours.

GOODBYE ZICO

2005-08-20T12:15:00.000-07:00

I've started work in my new firm. Posted are few snap shots on my last day in Zico. I kinda like the new firm, small friendly environment, but i'm a bit shy to log on my YM and blogger, it's an open space workstation *sigh*

Tunggu la sebulan dua lagi... bila tanduk dah timbul tinggi sikit..hehe

2005-08-20T12:12:00.000-07:00

"Masuk bilik pun nak candid ke??"

2005-08-20T12:07:00.000-07:00

My mom would kill me if she see this pic, she said the person in the middle would die first... duhhhh

2005-08-20T12:03:00.000-07:00

Rakyat jelata sedang menikmati jamuan meraikan pemergian tunku puteri nik..ekekeke

2005-08-20T11:59:00.000-07:00

This is kak Zie, she's like a sister to me...

2005-08-20T05:51:00.000-07:00

Blog japs...

2005-08-20T05:45:00.000-07:00

Never been this tidy before...

2005-08-20T05:43:00.000-07:00

turtle... you're coming with me to a new place.. jom

2005-08-20T05:37:00.000-07:00

"Ye aku tengah kemas barang, ha'ah semua benda masuk kotak... ni aku rasa container company ni masuk kota skali...ekekekeke"

2005-08-01T10:51:00.000-07:00

MORON 5

1. Some stupid guy named Arif

He dated my friend for few months before starting avoiding her for no apparent reason. When confronted, he sadly told my friend that his ex was blackmailling him to get back together with her coz she used to abort his baby and now (then) ...read this carefully... she wanted to go and see his parents and show him the certificate that the abortion clinic issued as an evidence that anak mereka adalah tupai yang menebuk kelapa.

geez... i dunno that illegal abortion clinics issued certificate of honour yer... We hereby confirm that Tipah has successfully went thru' an abortion in our much esteemed clinic.... hohoohohoho - talk about certified moron

2. A local artist, i cant remember her name but she commited this blooper in an interview with a local newspaper few years ago.

"Saya percaya pada Dejavu, what goes around comes around" .... hehehe

3. an ex friend of mine. Yeah you read me right. Ex-friend.

She's fucking smart in her studies, has an enviable job and bla..bla..bla... earned my respect by being one of the most intelligent person i come across (but then again, i dont meet many people pun...) Came to my blog write horrible comments about me but her AP eh... IP gave her away... moron la you. Lain kali gi CC la, ok? Dun write hate mails from your workplace/residence... nak jadi cam Kak Pah nyer adik angkat ka? Ekekekekek... tak puas hati cakap depan2. If you are reading this. Aku tak nak kawan dgn kau! Ptuwekkkkk !!

4. Saya sendiri...isk..isk...

Kat Safiz hartamas,

saya: bos, kasik teh o ais tak mau ais, tak mau teh....
mamak: *confuse*
saya dan rakan2: *gelak ramai2... terutamanya saya yang berasa bangga dgn lawak sendiri..*
1 minit kemudian...
mamak: teh o ais tara ais, tara teh...

He served me air kosong.

5. Saya sendiri sekali lagi...

Hari ini kami ada makan2 dekat office. Saya ditugaskan membuat trifel. Saya tak pernah buat trifel, tapi saya pernah tengok kawan saya buat trifel. Kacang je buat trifel. Buat apa nak mintak resepi trifel. Recipes are for dummies. Mengikut naluri hati seorang wanita, saya pun memasukkan 2 cawan tepung kastard ke dalam setengah cawan air panas. Beberapa saat kemudian terbentuklah gumpalan kuning liat yang keras. Langsung tidak sama dengan cairan kastard yang kawan saya biasa buat. Mana saya tau tepung kastard cepat keras. Ceh.

2005-07-28T23:14:00.000-07:00

It's kinda basi already to write about my trip to Pulau Sibu with my beloved friends, however, since there is nothing better to write about, cerita basi pun will do lah. So, i cant remember when was the last time i went makan angin with my friends. Once in Uni i went to Penang with my housemates and that was all. I was too busy studying (konon) and trying to sustain my livelihood (seres drama queen aku nih). Ok The Sibu story...

Seriously, i was jinxed. The whole 3 days. Not one single day passed without me getting into an accident, when we first arrived, i nearly drowned while snorkling. The best thing is, hehehe... the water wasnt that deep and i was screaming for help sambil bergelak ketawa. No seriously, i was scared to death but it was kiinda funny and i couldnt help laughing. The first thing i said when i was in the water was "alamak, aku baru sedar aku takut air... tolong! tolong" Konon duduk Pantai Chinta Berahi... hehehehe... abang bot went into the water, grab me by my jacket, i think he walked few steps and said to me 'dah boleh jalan, cetek dah tu, jalan je..." but i couldnt... then came Nad my saviour... Nad and Meon were the only person who cared about me while the others just glance at my direction few seconds, and then completely ignore me and went on snorkling... :(

Day two, went snorkling again and this time i have already mastered the art of snorkling notwithstanding the fact that i really hate to put that thing into my mouth. God knows whose mouths have the gear been into... yucks. All were fine. After snorkling, the girls were hungry and they lured/enticed/seduced the abang bot into bringing them to the kampung there to makan gpreng pisang (mengada2 kat kl pisang goreng bersepah tak de lak nak beli). From our boat we had to walk passed another boat then get to the jetty. Hungry and cold, we ate talked laughed and bitched. After we were done with our business, it was time to get back to out boat. We saw a man in kopiah and baju surau walking in our direction. Damn... everybody were conscious coz we were not decently dressed (in our defence i must say that we just came back from mandi pantai okkk) so we walked quickly to the jetty with pak aji tailing us... i was the first to get into the boat, from the slippery steps to the fishing boat to our boat... well supposedly. Not in my case tho'... me: from the slippery steps, into the water, ploppp.... i aws like... shit... aku tak tau berenang, life jacket pun tak de dah le berat cam batu, mau tenggelam ni... luckily abang bot was quick enuff to grab my hand and pulled me up. It hurt like hell. Painful man. Sakit blakang sampai skarang, but it's worth it... to see the gals went pale. They thought they were going to lose me, not that easy peeps... hehehe...

To complete my jinx combo, that nite while watching *toott* sambil mengutuk2 akma punyer beyonce wannabe nyer gelek (good.. i gave us out), Nad came with biskut tiger susu she put it on a table behind me. Me being pelahap as always did what i like most, ngepau. But i did it with style. You know when we were small we'd always do stuff with our chairs. It's a trendy thing to do. The chair shouldnt stand on it's four legs, we do all sort of acrobatic moves, one leg, two legs. I did that. That nite. Trying to grab the biskut tiger susu behind me from my two legged chair and ended up lying motionlessly on the floor. sakit bodoh.

Maka lengkap la kombo jinx saya di pulau Sibu, i came back with cuts and bruises but i wont trade the memories for anything (anything lower than 100 bucks that is, :P). Gals, u rock! And to those who think we look like dot dot dot kat sana, we dont need your opinion. We are just a bunch of gals having fun in each other's company.

Saya sayang kengkawan sekolah tun patimah saya.

Time kasih.

Order of the 21st century

2005-07-14T14:17:00.000-07:00

This happened when i was doing my chambering. Not to me, but to my colleague (then). She was in the Palace of Justice in Putrajaya to watch one of our senior lawyers in action. These ex-colleague of mine sat herself at the public galleries together with other members of the public. They were all normal people, atleast they all seemed normal enough. Until one of them started talking.
br>
"U all ni dari mana?" one malay lady asked my colleague who was sitting next to her.

"Kami dari xxxx& Co. saja datang tengok senior lawyer kami conduct kes."

"Oh so, u all ni on our side lah ye?"

And it was an apostasy case. My colleague wasnt as menggelupur as i would be. She is chinese, luckily. The woman go on talking under a low tone since they were in the court house.

"You know actually in this world nowadays, there is no longer Islam, no longer Buddha, no longer Christianity. All have been consolidated into one. There's only one religion to rule them all (ni skrip aku sedap2kan sikit la..) and it is called Order of the 21st Century (21st Cerntury? cam nama obat kurus yang aku slalu beli api tak de kesan je...)."

My colleague : Gulp
The woman continued...
"We are everywhere, in everypart of the world. We have our leaders and this is a religion that comes from the sky...bla..bla.. bla..."

My colleague went back to the office in the evening and related to us her experience. I knew i had to go and see for myself and see these ppl. I wanted to know how such normal looking people could be so deviated.

The next day i arrived quite late. That was my first time in Palace of Justice (asyik2 gi magistrate court je) , we went into a courtroom full of people. There at the corner i saw a tudung clad makcik in her 4late 40's or early 50's . I saw pakcik2 tua wearing kopiah putih, youngsters and middle aged men and women who seemed pretty normal to me. They all reminded me of the folks in my kampung. Quite typical kampung malays who always frequent the the masjid and srau and talk until wee hours at the kedai kopi. Some of the ladies looked like my mom, my unties and my neighbours in their baju kurung and selendang. Very normal. There was this long haired guy whom i thot was a rockstar (as if..). They all saw us (me and my colleague) and gave us warm smile (kitorang kan on their side.... eh simpanggg).

We left the court after the hearing and bump into some of thenm in the car park. As our car passedf them, i could see the long haired guy and few other older man waved at us in a friendly gesture. I'm supposed to feel warm kot given that kind of treatment instead, i felt seram sejuk. Berdose kah aku?

Few weeks/months ago i read in the paper about a cult that's originated frm Terengganu. The pictures accompanying the report confirmed my suspicion. Isk..isk..isk... Ayah Pin, kita pernah ketemu dulu di mahkamah rupanye (tapi masa tu i tak tau pun nama you, i main pegi je...) . and the long haired guy,he is (ke was?) a member of one rock band.

I'm not that religious but this cult thingy sends a shiver to my spine. What's wrong with following the path that has already been walked by our ancestors. Why go on and create something new? Learn what's already here rather than recreate. Why follow blindly?

2005-07-13T23:05:00.000-07:00

Been tagged by Stone and Chics with the same set of question. Ciss... jadi rebutan laks... heheeheheheeh

1.Myself: I'm like an open book. U could read me but you wont necessarily understand me for sometimes i'm quite ambiguous even to myself. I dont have one word to describe me for i have my moments. I can be angelic in the morning and become evil in the evening.

2. Wisdom : Like i said, i have my moments, sometimes i'm wise sometimes i'm just this idiot trying to figure out what life is all about...

3. Regrets : Lotsa things that i wish i did or didnt do in the past but i'm glad to have the right to make mistakes and learn from them. From each mistakes i made i learnt to be accountable on my own action and i quite like the kind of person this process has turned me into.

4. Family : I wish i'm closer to them.

5. Films : I wanna make them.

6. Faith : I have faith in Allah, whose voice i cant hear, whose face i cant see, whose presence is felt all the time.

7. Friends : They pulled me up when i was down. Yes, u know who you are!!

8. Ideas : Have lotsa them, wanna share?

Now lemme tag these ppl... echotte, infineus, orenz, apai and lat... bagus, mereka semua ini tak tau url baru aku camaner diorg nak tau diorg kena tag? Iskkkk...

2005-07-13T19:07:00.000-07:00

The prisoner of his own prison
The prison to which he has the key
but too scared to use

he Could be liberated if he wishes but
escapism that had all these while been his
method is not applicable
at least in this aspect

because he's too human to do so
he cares too much not to care
he cares too much he doesnt dare

force himself full force
hopefully
eventually
the tidle wave inside would settle
and accept the fact
this is it

treasure pleasure pressure
too confused to refuse
we are all being used
we are all being abused
why not use, why not abuse

He couldnt do it
He cares too much, he needs to care
So it be

How On Earth Did We.....

2005-07-05T18:39:00.000-07:00

Dear Duan,

i found your first message in my frenster inbox. And it's all came back to me how we came to know each other. Funny. Do you remember? It goes something like this...

Nik, thanks for giving your Y!ID.
I've added yours oredi..
errmm so kalau dapat msg
dari ahridz <-that's me ok
cheers

Nik wrote:
> bloody frenster. I replied your message but an error
> occured. So, this would be simple.
> > Thanks for saying hi. My Id is > nikyatiey@yahoo.com>

Chioa :)

> > Duang wrote:

> > Salam Nik,
> > > > I don't know what to say actually. But, ermm, let
> > me put this way.
> > > > I think i can't help myself reading your blog hari
> > hari, eventhough i tak kenal you.
> > secara tiba tiba, tejumpa lak friendster page you
> ni..> > So, to start with, boleh kasik yahooID ? :-)

> > > > Peace

------- this part has been deleted, sorry-------

2005-07-04T18:34:00.000-07:00

Almost everyday since early last week i 've been writing my resignation letter, printing it then shove it into my drawer coz my colleagues told me that "jangan berenti dulu, tgg dapat kejer baru tender kena ada safety net". La, kan notice 2 bulan, apa susah dlm pada tu buat la gerak gempur carik kejer. Aku tgk banyak je iklan kat paper.

Today, i did it. Without the safety net. Coz i cant take it anymo'. Coz i believe in myself worth. I dont think it would be that hard for me to get a job. I'm not stupid. So there, @ 4.00pm today, I tendered. Without regret. Without the safety net.

At 5 pm my phone rang. "We would like to offer you a position....."

Told you it's not that hard. See?

2005-07-01T19:11:00.000-07:00

I dont write much lately. It's not that i dont have anything worthtelling. Lotsa things happened in the past few weeks (or month). Basically when i'm writing i'm speaking out my mind. And yes, it's still noisy in here. I just couldnt find the words to describe them for they are becoming more and more chaotic. Mixed up thoughts, confused opinions, lost values, weak beliefs, destroyed trust, feeling demoralised, dissappointment, hopes, fears, being in love, having doubts about being in love, then being in love again, having to choose between a livelihood or sanity, seeing weird things in my lucid intervals, feeling appreciated, being trashed, uncertainties, financial woes, sale, harga minyak naik, Rafidah Aziz, Naza Kia and Proton Saga (Saga, geddit?), apasal la Duan baik sangat? Kerekkah aku? Ina tunang senyap2 (booooooo!!! cam artis la konon eh Bena?), naper mak aku.... damn it's noisy in here, really.

If i were to describe my feelings in one day in graph, it would look like the profile of Dolly Parton's breast in a very pointed bra. i could go from feeling very low to getting high and got low again hi low hi low... think 3 Dollies lying side by side. Yeah, that's how... you perv!Maybe it's the wheather mb it's hormonal, mb it's just me. I was happier when i was down with bad cough weeks ago. The effect of the cough medication kinda cool... i felt happier and crazier (Apai could testify on this) and i felt sexier with husky voice. Ahh... those good old coughing days *sigh*

Yesterday i had a chat with a fren of mine. Someone i know not long enuff but somehow share lotsa sentiments with me. I trust you with some of my secrets and you're lucky enuff to have my pesek nose poking into your affair. Hohhohoho.... Truth is, we all need constant reminder from other ppl of things that we already know. We want to hear confirmation and affirmation of our thoughts and opinion from other ppl's mouth. That's what we do. Confirming each other's opinion. This is precious. Sometimes you cant get this from the people you are very closed to. sometimes it takes a strager to make us feel closer to ourselves. That's what i like about meeting new ppl or atleast chatting to new ppl whose face or voice i could never imagined but whose thoughts felt like mine. Stolen when i was sleeping and returned to me redefined, polished. I love my thought being stolen.

Whattabout you?

2005-06-24T19:03:00.000-07:00

Please dont do it
for you dont know the future
Kindly refrain from saying:

You're the only one
i'll love you forever
You're the most......*blablabla*...
only you...
no matter what....
there's no other.....
there will never be....

coz i find it vexatious
coz i find it superfluous
coz i find it suspicious
for my liar detector would
start to blare
like the sound of fire alarm

but if you must
and at the very moment you
feel so strongly
that u need to say those words (duh!!)
kindly add this to it..
"as at today..... "
and "provided that............"
or "notwithstanding...."

Just to be safe
Coz we all have our moments
when verbal diarrhoea attacks

Just a gentle reminder
for you and for myself

2005-06-21T20:27:00.000-07:00

I'm still in shock. I didnt go to the office this morning, an impact of what had happened last nite. I must say that i'm still traumatised. Seriously scary.

I've been busy lately. Yesterday i went back from office at about 11 pm. As i stepped out of my office building, i noticed that it was unusually cold. I was cursing myself for being so careless. I actually have a parking space reserved for me in the basement but i forgot to bring my access disc yesterday which caused me to resort to parking my car at the open space next to my building, and of course a good 5 bucks. Dammit Nik, can u be more careless? Yes i could. ok.

It was kinda windy but it looked far from raining coz there were so many stars in the sky. I gazed at the stars. Trying to enjoy their beauty. They were beautiful, but somehow i didnt quite like the feeling i got upon gazing at them. Somehow the biggest and shiniest star last nite reminded me to somekind of evil-eye. Yes, laugh if you want. Call me stupid but i felt so uneasy. I quickened my pace. i passed few men who were chatting while sitting on their stationary bikes, they seemed so into their conversation but managed to take a small break and tried to make small talk with me "lambat balik dik, tak takut ke...". Duhhh... Why issit when men see a woman walking alone at nite they'd alway ask that stupid question. Ko ingat aku tak de telo ke? Errr... memang pun. I kept walking, saying nothing in reply. I passed Starbucks, it was not as crowded as always last nite. I tried to get a sneak look at the barrista in charge that nite, nah... not cute. I wonder where that cute chinese barrista went. Ahhhhh.... i'd probably have a latte if he was working, but he was not. So i continued walking. My stomach felt funny. i aint loving it. My stomach always make this funny twitching moves when something is about to happen. Always.

A supposedly short walk to the parking lot that seemed to take ages tonite finally ended at the top of a very high flight of stairs. dammit. I hate that. Lucky this time i need to descend, i remember that this morning when i parked my car and ascended the stairs, i felt like dying, like my butt was coming out of it's... errr... axis??? Good. the bloody parking people managed to pave acres of land but couldnt install even one working street light in the car park. And they charge 5 bucks per entry. Jahat. I saw Johan. My sweet Johan. Alone in the cold. No friend at all. At the center of the dark parking lot. I had to walk quite a distance to get to Johan.

As i reached the final step. i smelled something sweet. Like the smell of jasmine flower or something... nice. I remember my late grandma used this sweet smelling flowers in her hair. Ahh.. i miss grandma. My fond memory of grandma was rudely disturbed by a strong gush of wind from behind. I stopped walking. What the .... i thought to myself and simultaneously turned to see. Nothing. Funny. Suddenly i felt like goose bumps all over. Especially at the back of my neck. Damn. I felt so uneasy and i felt like peeing in my pants, no... baju kurung. Good, of all day i chose to wear baju kurung today. Can i run fast enough in this? and this high heel... it would make running a hard task. Oh my! I felt like peeing... seriously. I realised then that at that time i was half-way thru'.... my distance to my car and my distance to the stair was even. So Nik, i thot to myself... proceed or retreat? Proceed or retreat? Proceed or retreat?

I froze. Not knowing what to do. At that time i knew. Whatever decision i made. I wasnt going to be able to execute it. For my legs could not move. For it felt like they were glued to the carpark's pavement. For it felt like i was being sucked into the ground (altho' at that moment it seemed like a good idea, i could hide down there until this weird wind stop blowing and the sweet but eerie smell gone). At that point of time anything felt better tahn having to face that whole situation. The wind was still blowing as if it was about to rain. But i knew it wasnt going to rain soon... the stars were.... wait a minute... where have all the stars gone? Minutes ago they were shining like evil eyes... now, none of them appear. As if they all went into hiding. as if they were terrified of what was going to happen ... just like me. Except they could hide and i couldnt. From afar i saw something white moving towards me as the nite seemed darker than ever.

The trees around the car park, they began shaking tremendously. Not becoz of the wind. i' was sure. At that point of time i noticed taht every fucking single trees got something on it! They were hairy and scary... i looked at the trees in horror and i realised that the white thing was getting closer. I tried to recite any verses from the quran but i failed miserably. They all got jumbled up. I felt like dying. And taht white thing, it got closer... I prayed this is only a dream.

At this point of time Duan called me and reminded me of our date. It wasnt a dream after all! It was just me trying to write a scary story.... which, i belive that i failed miserably. Thank you.

2005-06-09T22:47:00.000-07:00

I have thick hair. Before they invented this technique called rebonding, it was BIG. Yeah i had big hair back in school. My face looked as if they are the size of a tea cup because of my hairdo.

But lately, i notice that it's not that thick anymo'. When i'm stressed at work i'd pull off my rambut gatal. Such satisfaction. Even if i dont pull it on purpose it still came off. OMigod, my hair is thinning and i'm only 25. My love for msg laden food doesnt help either. Dammit.

And i do have the gene. My late dad had this exotic jins samsuddin look, i.e botak tengah ... Helpppp

ABOVE: Me and my good old thicker hair :(

2005-06-09T14:00:00.000-07:00

The Land is no longer the best escape place. It no longer provides the serenity it once offered. No more infinite freedom to pour out heart's contents. For The Land has been discovered. For The Land is visited. It is much better to hide behind the mask of anonymity. A state where all can be said without breaking anyone's heart and bitching is no sin for what they dont know wont hurt them. No mention of certain green creature should be made eventho' sometimes it comes to mind as the present has overridden the past and it is just prudent to protect the present and the future rather than dwelling in the past. Eventho' the past is what the present made of...

2005-06-08T17:46:00.000-07:00

Sonotnyer ngade2.... :P Duan, dun worry, apa kejadahnyer i nak beli sauna tu. Hohohoho...

--- A****d R*****n *****@*****.com.my wrote:

malam ni? boleh... besok lusa tak leh beli dah tau

p/s malam ni kedai dia tutup hehehe

nik wrote:

mana ada kat singapore! nak jugak! nak! nak! nak beli
malam ni!!! Nakkkkkkkkkkkkkkk!!!

--- A****d R*****n *****@*****.com.my wrote:

******..., ape kata kita buat experiment dulu..
ex:
mintak kawan you beli dulu and try for 3 months.
then we look at her result, ok or not.
kalau ok, and kalau singapore punya lagi mahal, then
baru beli ok

nik wrote:

alaaaaa.... nak jugak! nak jugak!

--- A****d R*****n *****@*****.com.my wrote:

I think you better sabar dulu aka deferred
gratification.
Coz kat Singapore mungkin ada dan mungkin lebih
murah hehehe

nik wrote:

******, i nak beli boleh tak??
:P
macam best jerrr

Note: forwarded message attached.----> ada iklan alat sauna ape mender tah

2005-06-08T03:13:00.000-07:00

Inilah dia saunanyer

2005-06-06T13:37:00.000-07:00

Dear Nik,

Things will be fine. It's just stress taking it's toll on me. All i need is a good rest and some time alone with myself to think clearly and reflect on the situation and try to get the best solution for the issue at hand. And who knows, at the end of the day i would be beaming with realisation that i over-analysed things and that things are not as bad as they seemed of feel at the moment.

I shall not write that resignation letter, yet. Dont do it Nik. Sabar. Sabar. Macho sikit. Aaaa... that's more like it. I always advocate that life is simple if you want it to be simple and it would be complicated if you make it complicated. So keep it simple Nik. Gone are the days when you could afford to make drastic decisions and say opsss when u know it's not a good decision. Now whatever I do, it would affect not just me but also ppl around me. My loved ones and those i dont really care about. U dont want to cause trouble, do you?

Now, the reason i'm so stressed could be because i am too focused at the existing problem rather than seeing it within a bigger picture. Probably, the more we are focused on one particular problem, scrutinising every aspects of it we would be even more terrified. The bigger picture, altho might include co-related problem, would also include the solution or co-related solution. Hm.. see the bigger picture. have you ever been in a situation that at that very instance, the situation seemed so grave and you could not see anything and what lies ahead seemed so gloomy? And then as you move forward and face it (coz at that time u had nowhere to run, no way but to face it) you felt like, 'hey... that's not so bad, i tho' it's gonna be hell but i managed it quite well'. I guess when you dont have the luxury to escape the problem you would just face it and handle it quite well. Ok, now. Take a deep breath Nik. take a long deep breath. Think happy thots and remember that while your job is part of your livelihood, it is NOT your life. Do what you can. U cannot please every soul in this world. If they think you're not doin' enuff while you honestly think you have done a fair job, dont mind them. Just lallalalallallalallalallala....

Make it a point to appreciate yourself. Buy yourself something this evening, buy yourself one of those nice magazine that u like, read it and unwind.... dont think of work problem outside office hour, atleast for today. If you want to you could go get yourself a hair cut, that would be nice. You like it when ppl play with you hair rite?

Once again, take a deep breath. I wish you well.

Much loves,

your goodself

2005-06-06T09:00:00.000-07:00

I am so stressed!

Seriously

This is what i do for a living

How i pay for my food

How i buy my clothes

How i keep the bed i sleep in

If i hate it

I dread going

I half heartedly doing it

I should just quit

But quitting comes with a price

And it aint cheap

Should i just gamble?

Just take the plunge?

Go on Nik, write that

resignation letter and be gone

be long gone

i used to love doin' it

but u demoralized me

i used to work hard for it

but you dont acknowledge me

now you're leaving

u leave your shit behind

for me to clean

like you always do

too bad, this time

i'm not gonna care

like you never cared

so it be...

2005-06-02T21:33:00.000-07:00

This one really cracked me!! "He was absolutely shattered. We put him back in his cage and he slept for two days"

2005-06-01T22:52:00.000-07:00

Does any one know where to get this??

2005-06-01T14:00:00.000-07:00

In construction. HALL OF VAIN. Located in the Land of The Unimportant, housing hundreds and hundred of vain pictures of dear frens, family and object of my own affection, myself. With my soon to be acquired skill in uploading pictures to blog (macam ssh pun, but for someone like me it's an accomplishment tauuu). I'd like to honour my family by putting their photos here. My mom would freak out if she sees her old pics on the internet, she might think i inserted her picture's hardcopy into the computer (computer illiteracy runs in my family, it's in our gene)... ekekeke... that's my mom H*lim*h Ibr*h*m (why do i even bother with that *?). My mom is very kelam kabut just llike me. When i see her, i see me @ 57. Behold my future... arghhhh...

Now if you excuse me, i going to godek2 Hello and try to figure out how that thing work... boleh punyer.. mesti boleh ni... boleh tu... Boleh! Boleh!

2005-05-31T14:00:00.000-07:00

I dont read much. I just find it excruciatingly painful to finish one book. However, once i find a good book i'll stick to it like Juma sticks to guys with big bucks (i have nothing against Juma, i'm just jealous that she's VERY PRETTY and rich now, that's all :P). I dont do fiction as i find it hard for me to connect with the characters and envisage what i read, not that i lack imagination but i find myself easily distracted. But this one particular book had me glued to it from the first page. The Da Vinci Code. Brilliantly written. I feel so connected with the book that i can actually see how Robert Langdon should look like. Anyway, acclaimed for his clever twists and criticised for his bold approach on Christianity, Dan Brown got himself another fan, me! me! Now i'm waiting for my friend to finish reading Angels and Demons (last time i wrote devil :p), nak pinjam (minat tapi tak mo beli buku..huhuhuhu) . Best la, best ...best...

Yesterday Duan let me read one of his books. It's a financial planning book. I yawned at the sight of it's cover. Boring. When they say dont judge a book by it's cover, they are soooo right. The book is everything but boring! (at least for me lah). I picked up few pointers from the book. I havent finish reading it yet, so if u want to borrow it from me u've got to wait coz i'm gonna read it over and over again (Duan, it's ok to spread the gospel kan?). If you cant wait or happened to jalan2 KLCC or Mid Valley sometime later, do check out thisbook @ MPH or Kinokuniya. Financial Freedom - Your Guide to Lifetime Financial Planning by Edmond Cheah and his KL MUTUAL clan. Just check it out. If you dont feel like buying it but want to read it, can borrow from me. I think Duan doesnt mind it's for a good cause, he's nice you know... (and that's why i love you, mucho...)

Damn, my entries got more and more boring nowadays. This is a dull blog, i must admit. Not that i dont want to make it interesting, with nice layout n stuff... but i dont know how. I'm almost computer illiterate. Nak link blog org pun tak reti, yang cenonet kat sini pun Chics tolong buatkan (thanks Chicky, you're the best!!) and that one photo in my blog pun penat digodek2 baru dapat post, now i forgot how to do it.... muahahahaha.... sengal, sengal niku haruyati nih

2005-05-25T13:59:00.000-07:00

HAHAHAHAAHHAAH....

TOLONGLAH. My entries here does not involve you. It's about ME, ME, ME. I write about me, my thoughts, my life. facts and circumstances could be similar by coincidence. Dont be paranoid. THIS WOLD DOES NOT REVOLVE AROUND YOU.

that part where you think i was describing your life, WAS ABOUT ME! After all, no blog aku kan??? hmmmmmm....

*It amazes me how you manage to "make my blood goes upstairs" EVERYTIME, especially when i try to start new and see you in a different light *Sigh* Isk.. isk...isk....

2005-05-24T13:45:00.000-07:00

My greatest joy in life nowadays is waking up in the morning, switch on the tv and flip to channel 15 of ASTRO. And there they are... bunch of people auditioning for Akademi Fantasia. Ahahaha... laughter is the best medicine and i think i'm overdosed. Every morning and evening almost evryday without fail. They come in various shapes and heights. Male or female. Crooning to Annuar Zain's Semua Untukmu or swinging to Sway.... getting funky with Siti Sarah's awww awww awwww.... they never fail to make me laugh. I love watching these ppl, they made me feel that "ahhh... i'm not that baddd" Hmmm... Akademi Fantasia kembali lagi. Dah demam? I never got that fever, be it AF1, AF2 or AF3... yeah, i do watch it but that's because i have no say in channel selection... majority rules. I can proudly say that i never spent a cent to vote.

Last weeknd was the prelude concert. I was in Cameron Highland that time, i dunno whether it was Cameron's cold air or the contestant's boring rendition... i fell asleep by the time that sengau version of Awie started singing. Seriously, what was he thinking? I never heard anyone sang Isabella as bad as he did. Lucky it was Isabella, if it was Sejati, i would cry :(

Since i have not watched the whole show, i couldnt quite take my pick but i can see that ppl has started to take sides. Try channel 15 and you can see fans 'sms-fighting' each other over who should stay and who should go. Banyak duit orang Malaysia ni... should there be another 'Mas" in AF it would be more interesting. Maybe the sad story is a bit different this time. Instead of a glamour seeking single parent, mb one of the students is terminally ill or err verrry the under privillege one or or... in dire need of money to pursue his study in Ireland to get his doctorate in Medicine heheheeh... whatever it is, Astro need not worry.... balik modal i can guarantee. Untung lipat ganda, itu sudah pasti. Wooohoooo.... demam datang lagiiiii.....

2005-05-21T08:30:00.000-07:00

This song did not make it to my five most frequently listened to song last time but has always bring this strange wonderful feeling everytime i listen to it. I'm not about to pull my drama queen antic and starts claiming that song is sooooo me and it potrays my life story coz it doesnt but parts of it really touches my heart (wooohoooo jiwang la nik..hikhikhik). Here goes... runaway train by soul asylum...oh, soul asylum rocks!!!

Call you up in the middle of the night
Like a firefly without a light
You were there like a slow torch burning
I was a key that could use a little turning

So tired that I couldn't even sleep
So many secrets I couldn't keep
Promised myself I wouldn't weep
One more promise I couldn't keep

It seems no one can help me now
I'm in too deep
There's no way out
This time I have really led myself astray

CHORUS

Runaway train never going back
Wrong way on a one way track
Seems like I should be getting somewhere
Somehow I'm neither here no there

Can you help me remember how to smile
Make it somehow all seem worthwhile
How on earth did I get so jaded
Life's mystery seems so faded

I can go where no one else can go
I know what no one else knows
Here I am just drownin' in the rain
With a ticket for a runaway train

Bought a ticket for a runaway train
Like a madman laughin' at the rain Little
out of touch, little insane
Just easier than dealing with the pain

train never comin' back
Runaway train tearin' up the track
Runaway train burnin' in my veins
Runaway but it always seems the same

2005-05-20T06:44:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was craaaaazieee. Well not really actually, but it was hectic. Kind of. Morning i was in KL magistrate court, i had to wait untill 12.00 get judgemnt only to be told that "Puan masuk petang ni la rasa nye sebab dia ada meeting dgn judge dari Jepun" Marah tak? So i took a short date and promised myself not to return there for at least one week. Huh!!!! Bengang punye pasal i had a HUGE lunch alone at the court's canteen. Hahahaha.. puas hati dan NAFSU makan aku...

i was too fed up to take the lrt to vista (that's where i parked), so i hailed a taxi back to my office and the only good thing i can think of was after lunch i would have to attend an auction @ wisma Central (that's next to KLCC lah) and my heart started smiling again... Masya ALLah, auctioneer tuh bapak la slow.... satu2 terms and condition proclamation of sale tu dia nak bacer. Berjanggut aku tunggu. Aku tunggu, aku tunggu... akhirnya habis jugak... Fuh!! Finally i get to visit my old workplace KLCC. Yummy. As i passed Gloria Jeans, my memories all came back to me.

Clad in super ugly grey t-shirt, brown cap, black jeans and shoes (and oh, a smelly black apron) was a slightly overweight 21 year old gal who was too malas to study, too broke to not work and too shy ask for her siblings' money. As much as she could she tried to adhere to the company's motto, service with a smile, but at times when she got fed up and tired she just do one thing. Avoid eye contact. With anyone. DONT look them in the eye, if u see them at the corner of your eye, dont acknowledge them or they'd start calling you. "Dik, warm water, pls", "dik, extra sugar please" -----> tak reti2 ke benda tuh semua ada kat condiment counter, ambik la sendirik. Buakn kau kasik tips pun... duhhhh or "please wipe my table, it's a bit dirtyy" (dah ko minum macam orng mulut tembus tu apahal??? This job is tiring man, fucking tiring. Especially when you work in KLCC (ppl in KLCC always hungry).

My favorite time would be during the worldcup season. The whole place was full and instead of the usual self service modus operandi, we also had table service, eheheheh i like that, that means... TIPS yeaaahaaaarrr... and the arabs. They are big tippers. Well not as much as you can get waitressing in pubs or bars but it is still comparatively big la kalau banding dgn tak de langsung kan. When i saw any arab family coming into the store , i would jump on the opprtunity to serve their table. There was this particular arab family who came everynite and placed endless orders of the fried chic wings (heran aku, bukan sedap sangat pun). I would take their orders and they never failed to tip me. Best..best..

Rude customers? Easy to handle.I dont like spitting in anyone's drink or food, berdosa tuh (dosa mengumpat, tak pakai tudung, semayang belobang etc pun dah byk) so what i did was... i sabotage their drinks so that it's not as good, that means less ghiradelli in your hot choc, less fruit puree in your fruit chillers or less meat in your pasta, padan muka. Value for money? Nope. Not when you are not a valued customer. Still berdosa tapi tak sedahsyat ludah food org kot.

break time was my favorite part. I would have one hour to wander around KLCC, looking at stuff i cldnt afford to buy. I loved going to the watch shop, looked at all the beautiful clothes, shoes thinking "when can i afford those thing". 4 years later, i still go to those stores thinking the same *sigh*

I believe taht everybody has a potential to be somebody. It's a matter of realising the potential and making it works for you. And sadly, that is the trickiest part. I wish i know what's my cutting edge so that i can exploit it to my very best but honestly as at today, I dont know what is it. Maybe my big break would come a bit later, but i need it soon. I hope i cld get it. I'm tired of feeling tired...

2005-05-18T11:07:00.000-07:00

Fickle Pickle
7180,
Land of The Unimportant

18 MAY 2005

To whom It May Concern

Dear Sir,

MATRIMONIAL-APPLICATION FOR ADJOURNMENT

I refer to the above matter and our conversation on the even date and the day before and day before and day before that and days before that.

2. I m sure the joining of two souls in a sacred institution called marriage is good. However in my humble opinion one needs to be mentally ready to venture into it as it is not a monkey business. Readiness to take on the challenge of marriage depends on the individual herself. What seems to be a small hiccups to others might be a big challenge and an important aspect to be considered. If we think wedding preparation is headache inducing, ponder this: marriage involves all, wedding arrangement, sacrifice of lifestyle, making new financial adjustment, adjusting oneself with the in laws, sharing things you never dreamed of sharing and learning the ugly side of your partner (and having other ppl knowing the most intimate/ugly part of you) and even career. So people says that career and married life can go hand in hand. Of coure they can but i reckon that that would come on the woman's expenses. Who would like his wife to come home late at nite almost everynite. If one is single she can come back from work at any hour she likes, down a cup of maggi hot cup and head straight to her bed, no one would care. Once married, the woman would feel guilty to do so.

3. I also reckon that no future mother in law would like to see her propective daughter in law pierced all over her face. But... but... i have yet to do all the things i have always wanted to do. I want to pierce my eyebrow, i want to pierce my navel, i'd love to have a tongue studd, well, i guess that's not really appealing even to you. Worse still, u might think that's apalling. My concern is that, once one gets married she would have to obey what the husband says and order her to do (as long as it's good in nature) , she would be sinfull if she disobey the husband. But, what if she isnt done being notty yet? What if there's still this kid in her that wants to goof around with her friend every other nite?

4. I do feel that age is an important factor, but it's unfair to haste into marrige just because one party feels that it is high time for him to get married while the other is in no hurry. if the argument is the couple has to get married because one party is mature enuff to do so, it could also be argued that a couple should not get married if one party is not mature enuff to do so.

5. While both parties are physically ready to be married, that should not be the paramount consideration. But marriage goes deeper than that. As much as i'd love to continue on babbling , i am swamped with work. So i'd stop here but for the reasons stated above and about 13 more, i would like to apply for a postponement/ adjournment/more time. My concern now is one cld not wait and go off for someone who is already, ready :( It would be my loss but i'll swallow it. The way i swallow this morning's tasteless nasik lemak, slowly, painfully but done in the end.

Thank you.

Yours faithfully,

Fickle Pickle

2005-05-12T14:04:00.000-07:00

The other day i went to a fren's place in Desa Petaling, i got to know this gal when i went for the PTD Assessment Centre. Of course, i'm not chosen for further interview but i'm happy that i made new friends. Lat, Emi, Dhib... u guys are nice ppl! Anyway... The house that i went to, it's Emi's actually... we had a girly get together last Sunday. Emi can play the guitar. She's good, she even taught Dhib how to and as a result Dhib can play Jewel's u were meant for me and some Dido song... that i cld not remember the title. I expressed my interest to Emi. I wanted to learn to play the guitar. To which she responded, "boleh... senang giller. Emi ajar cara senang. In one day dah boleh main satu lagu" Really? Wow...

I was charged up with passion. Emi taught me easy chords first A, E, D.. she said if i know this 3 chords i can already play the Corrs' What Can I Do... after numerous attempts, i settled to the fact that aku memang sengal dan buta seni serta lembab. So Duan, there goes my ambition to serenade you with U were meant for me while playing the guitar... isk... I nyanyi kat u dalam keter je la yer? :P

Ermm... today is a bad day for me... my head is spining and i fel like i cant even open my eyes. What happened to me? Everyone i met today in court, in the office, at the auction place all said i looked tired. Eh? Obvious sangat ker? Mungkinkah aku perlu minum Yomeishu? isk..isk..isk... Oh ye... the other i wrote about my sister rite? We are still not talking. I almost went to her house the othr day but i got to know that she wasnt in. Few days back i got a call from my mom, without any salam whatsoever she started scolding me. Apparently my dear sister called her and told her about what happerned and since the story came from her... of course i'm the one to blame "mu ni Tini bak po jadi gitu.. Lina kato mu tok hormat langsung ko dia... mu tempik ko dio satu flat buleh dgr. Dio kato mu nih memang besar kepalo, mentang2 mu loyar dio khijo kecik... dia kato mu sombong, dio tok se ngaku adik beradik"...

so, as usual... i'm the bad person. Whenever we had a fight. I'm the arrogant one. I pick a fight with everybody because i'm a lawyer. Hey... what is that? Ever since i was small i've been the stubborn byk mulut child in the family. Me being a lawyer HAS GOT NOTHING TO DO WITH OUR FIGHT! I 'am like that! I hate it when my family started to blame me and my career as to why our relationship sucks. I've always been hot tempered and that has got nothing to do with what i do for a living! and i never, never look down on my family member because of what i'm doing compared to what they are doing! Never, and to have your own family judging you in such a way is so heart breaking... that's it! I have no more desire for reconcilation... Think what u want to think, i know who i am and what kind of person i am. If believing that i'm the sole reason we fought and that makes you feel better about yourelf, playing victim. Go ahead. I'm not gonnagive a rat ass. At least i have the balls to admit that the fight partly caused by me. If she thinks she's the angle and i'm the kacang lupakan kulit. Go ahead! I'm not gonna care coz last time i checked, we were both yelling at each other rather than i was the only one doing the foul talk.

i'm kinda depressed now and the aching head is not making it any easier. I'll check myself out now.. out.

2005-05-11T14:02:00.000-07:00

I adore you, I devour you
I cant live without you

I let you enter me
with open heart,
mind and mouth
as u enter me i feel warm
and fulfilled...
never have i met anything like u
i'm tasteful and you're tasty

come here, come to me
u're not as elusive as
others can be
you're simple, you're easy
u'd fill me up,
so instantly

you're with me anytime i need
all my hunger
you dutifully feed
for i savour
every part of you
every single string
every single drip...

now i take off my hat
i bow in your presence
the taste of you still linger...
and it gets better
oh, my precious
cant you see
you're the best for me

simply irresistible
hotcup maggi mee!!!

written in honour of the pretty in yellow who has been so supportive and loyal to nikyatiey all these while, time loaded and broke.. time swamped and easy, at home or work. I love all 255kcalories in you, no mater what you are... tom yam, ayam or curry...

Male Bimbo

2005-05-09T14:07:00.000-07:00

- i deleted this entry coz, i figured that it's PMS- sorry for the inconvenience... u will now forget what i've written in 5,4,3,2,1....

2005-05-07T08:55:00.000-07:00

Why is it we always fail to realise what we have, until we lost it?

We always takes for granted of thing around us. Sometimes in our hectic lives we fail to acknowledge 'trivial', 'unimportant' things around us. Things such as how blessed it is our lives this morning that our car starts easily, how nice the weather is today, how blessed we are to have our parents still alive, how nice it is that we dont have a fight with our significant others, friends or colleague, how good it is not to have problem at work... how good it is to be alive and healthy and not catch a cold.

Last nite i scratched Johan trying to park it in a tiny space in Hillpark, i feel bad. And then i realised how how nice Johan is without any scrath. Huhuhu.. If only i appreciated it more... i would have tried parking it more carefully :(

I have taken a lot of thing for granted. Now, i'm not about to stop coz being a normal human being that i am, it's hard to wake up every morning and smile at everything that i see, and say "thanks God for all the normal things that remains normal around me today" ... but once in a while i'll try to take time to reflect on things in my life. Sometimes in our hectic lives we just do things just for the sake of doing it. We fail to appreciate the beauty of it. We breathe the air and we never thought of how hard it is to breathe if we have blocked nose.

I had a fight with my sister the other day. It was bad. My friends dont know it, but i can be such a hot tempered person. We shouted and threw things in my room. My housemates went all silent. It was so bad that if one of us did not go out of the room we might end up killing each other :( . We dont talk much, we never hang out together we talk harshly to each other but we always pull each other out of most problems that we face (usually money problem, that is). Now that we're not talking, i realise how good it feels to not have a fight with her. Even tho' we never really utilised our -talking term- but i think i would do a zillion times better if i had not fought with her. damn i hate this feelings. I think i have taken my relationship with my family for granted. I only go back to KB twice a year. It would be on raya and labour day holidays. Always that way. I promise myself to change. I want to change. Despite me being the fierce domineering kak Tini, my lil' sister seems to think that i'm cool (which is true, btw... hehehh). Before this when i went back to my hometown i was to cool to care about her, did my stuff and 'maleh nak layan budak kecik, tido lagi baik'-- this time i dunno why but i think i'm nicer to her. Even called her adik, did not shout at her at all... i even persuaded her to skip school and go shopping with me and even paid for her purchases. Damn... i have grown up! So, i can handle the li' sister but the older sister... tough la. Ego got the better of us. How??? I dont want the hostility to stay but I DONT WANT TO SAY SORRY.... isk.. isk.. isk... susahnyer..

So, my new resolution is to improve my relationship with my family members and try cherish good stuff around me before they change for the worse. Actually i realised that the smallest of gesture cld do a lot. A Smile, a simple out of no where call to an old fren, could do wonders.

So start flippin' your phonebook now and send that "woi, peciter lama tak dgr kabar??"-smses and you probably are making that old fren smiling and feel appreciated :) Nice, eh? As for me, i'm collecting enuff courage and throwing away my ego. Today i'll go over to my sister's place. Of course i'm not gonna say sorry to her but i'll try to act normal, perhaps if she feel what i feel she'd play along. Hey, i write it here, i'll walk the talk. Am gonna try *damn malu siot nak pegi umah dier*

2005-05-05T13:30:00.000-07:00

Statement2 yang memerlukan verification dr mereka yang tahu...

1) "before you beli barang girls, make sure you test dulu. Sama la macam nak cari husband, u test dulu dia ok ke tak (sambil angkat2 kening)... i tell you girls kalau u kawin dgn husband yang tak perform you frust...." - Pn Noraini my family law lecturer back in Uni... "errr... Pn saya nak tanya, would you suggest this to your own daughter???"--- again, only in my head la i dare ask her this question.

2) "kalau kau kawin, jgn pakai contraceptive, anak pertama tu rezeki. kalau ko tahan2 nanti time ko nak btol2 susah lak nak mengandung" - Ada la sorg kawan aku ni..

3)"actually air kencing sdr tuh, kalau letak kat muka mujarab... kulit boleh jadi licin"- aku baca somewhere, tak ingat kat mana

4)"kalau nak isi minyak, tekan picu dia slow2, nanti kurangla angin masuk. So, boleh dapat lebih nilai untuk wang anda"- a forwarded email

5) "Lepas jogging/lari jangan terus duduk, nanti bontot besar" -budak-budak STF

6) "Men hate whiners"- Genius Infineus

7) "Commitment is scary" - Turtle

8) "berat aku dah 93kg"- Kuman (ye ker... apasal cepat sanagt turun?)

9) "aku risau anak2 aku tak kawin2 lagi, kalo korang tak nak kawin lagi, meh sini biar aku yang kawin baru.."- Mak aku ---seres la korang rasa mak aku sanggup ker buat cam nih? isk..isk...

10)"nik, i sayang kat you"- Duan-- btol ke ni Duan, btol ker?-- yang nih seres you kena verify..ahaks.....

2005-05-04T13:40:00.000-07:00

So, last weekend i went back to my hometown, it has been quite a while actually. I had to settle some family matter overthere. KB is so hot nowadays. I suggest that if u cant stnd the heat (tapi kira ngader2 la tu), dun go there just yet, tgg musim tengkujuh nanti baru pegi hahahaha..

Nothing much i could do @ my house so i started to godek2 my old family album and i found a lot of photos that sent me smiling alone and talking to myself (but then hey... i always talk to myself what??)

I found photos of my late brother, to be honest... i tried not to look at those photos all these while coz nanti i teringat and tangkap leleh, but the other day, noone was home so i had a good cry. Nangis macam budak kecik, puas hati aku. Huh!

there were also photos from mom and dad's younger years. Those time masa they moved around coz dad worked as a custom officer. Mom said when they need to move from place to place, dad would angkut all his family members in just o car, in one trip! That's dad, His 2 wives, 8 children all in one car!!! Seres tak tipu. Even when they were going for outing and stuff pun, mmg everyone wld cramp into one car. Such magic my dad possessed.

i actually managed to kidnap few photos frm the album to substantiate my story, i'll upload it here once i've scanned them. Rite now ramai org kat library office takut kantoi lak :P If mom nows that i stole the pictures she would be furious but i did that with good intention. I want to make copies of the old pictures and probably work my art sikit. Yes, i havva project to work on. Best.. best... But i dunno how i'm gonna cope coz my superior has tendered his resignation and i'm expecting lotsa work to be thrown at me. Eh, wait a minute, dia ada pun mmg banyak kejer dia kasik kat aku pun. Duh.... Come June, it's gonna be mad. Camaner nak bahagi masa ni... bf, kerjaya dan kawan2, blog lagi, frenster, YM, tv, starwars episode iii dsbgnya... ayaksss mati la....

So, speaking of YM... I talked to a fren on YM just now. He said something about listening to your heart when making decisions. He further added that "your heart will never lie to you". That's what the mr genius infineus (see, it rhymes) said... do you agree? Has your heart ever lied to you? How do you know that you've been lied to? Are you sure that your heart lied to you? Or you are the one who lied to your heart? ha.... something to ponder upon.

Till next time great people, i'll see u when i see you ;p

p/s: what's wrong with 'cheeky neeky' as a ym chat name?? why are people bashing me? Ahhh...i'll rub it their face... cheeky neeky, cheeky neeky, cheeky neeky, cheeky neeky..... 19000x! Huh!

Just a geli entry..

2005-05-01T09:45:00.000-07:00

We all have our own idea of our ideal partner, rite? We like someone chinese look, we want someone skinny and tall, we want girls with long nice hair, we want guys who plays guitar, we want slim girl who has a nice smile, we want guys with money and girls with big boobs, we want this... we want that.... Often we passed a chance to get to get to know certain people better because being our ambitious, superficial self we think, "nah.... he's not my taste... i bet there's someone who fits the bill coming later... i'll just wait"

As for me, my kinda of guy would be tall, dark and skinny. Probably because i'm short and not skinny, so, i need my partner to compensate for that... baru balance sikit yer tak? Yeah, so i have a strange idea when it comes to compatibility. However, one thing that i notice about me is, when asked about my dream guy, i'd answer that i want a tall skinny guys but of lately, i often end up with rather not tall guys :P So, i thought to myself.. is God punishing me for being choosy? I will never know, wallahualam. Maybe yes, maybe not maybe it's just my jodoh. U like who you like. Doesnt matter if he's fat, short, tall, dark, fair etc as long as i like him... jalannnn (man, how i have grown up!)

Yes, i'm seeing someone now and i'm very happy to be with him. My friends are alarmed on how fast things go on between me and him. It took less than one week, but hey... i'm the fastlane girl. For me when good things happens ... they just happen. When the feeling is right, just grab him by the balls... err i mean grab life by the ball... heheheheh. U spend your life thinking and thinking and worrying over YES or NO... well, it is actually not such a hard decision to make. Kalau pening2 pikir pun you'd still have to make that decision. So what if it's a wrong decision (later u discover), you just move on. After all that's what life is all about right? Moving on. Judge me. I dont care. I've been judged so many times before. People told me it cld be a rebound, errr rebound? From what? Turtle? If it's a rebound i'd hv known. I would settle for any guy who approaches me right after we're over rite? But i didnt. Duan is not just a substitute or a next best thing ... he's my love. All other guys i crossed path with just dont make me feel the way Duan makes me feel. Yes of course there are still so many wonderful internet frens that i've yet to meet but i'll just settle for this one coz the feeling's right. Show me someone who hasnt make any wrong decision yet in his life, i'll show you someone who hasnt learn. I dont feel that i'm missing out on anything because i am now focused on how great a guy i have landed... woooohooooo....

He might not be tall, he might not be skinny. He doesnt play the guitar and he cringes at my singing. But he suits me well like a glove to a hand. I'm comfortable with him, and that's important. He knows how to make me do things without leaving me feeling dictatored. i'm just a simple girl who leads a simple life who has a complicated yet very predictable mind. Try imagine dealing with this kind person, you'd go nut.. but Duan handles this quite well. And love him for that. Oh my God, this entry gets more and more mengada. Please, if you cant handle it close the window. Now i know how ppl could come out with such entry describing their love for their significant others when blogging. U just cant stop writing it. There's always stuffs to tell and... man, i'm such a sucker for love. Now i realised. I used to think i'm done with love, i'd wanted to pull that once bitten twice shy antic hahahaha..... blom lagi la nampaknyer... i'm just hopeless romantic. Sue me for that. Charge me for loving the first degree (just when i think this entry i cldnt get more geli..hehehehe)

I wanted to end this geli entry with a love poem i have composed in my head for him, but i think i'll just have it for another geli entry..heheheh..
I cant predict the future, but i'm hoping for the best. For the time being, Duan is the best for me. And i hope he'll continue to be. I have had a lot of heartbreaks i feel that i deserve happiness this time... i mean all the bersabar thingy apa semua, it must be counted for something, rite? Mb Duan is my rainbow after the rain. But i said MAYBE. nothing is certain. I dont want to worry sangat over the future, as for now... i think

DUAN IS THE ONE

2005-04-30T23:30:00.000-07:00

I'm freakin' pissed! Among 215 things that i hate about Malaysians (including me of course) is the culture of giving 'under table contribution' to accelerate process especially when dealing with the Government Agencies. I usually dont care much about this especially when it does not concern me (my another malaysian pet peeves -tapi aku buat jugak- the'bukan masalah aku' attitude.

I'm in the process of acquiring something thru' an agent and he promised me that i'm getting it today. Yesterday i got a phone call from him
"you punya dokumen semua dah ok. tapi hari ni i pegi *** ramai sangat orang lah... susah la nak dapat cepat".
"tapi you janji hari nih paling lambat esok kan? Kenapa janji kalau tak boleh?"

"bukan tak boleh, boleh... tapi kena keluar duit sikit lah..."

"berapa banyak? nak buat apa?'

"sebab nak cepatkan... so, kena bayar org2 *** tu dalam....... (paused and sort of thinking... tgh kira baper dia nak jugak la tuh) 100 diorg boleh adjust"
"FUCK YOU"------> heheheheh tak ler, this i said in my head only maa...
"saya tak nak bayar. U janji esok, saya nak esok jugak buat apa nak bayar tambah2 lagi ni? saya tak nak bayar sesen pun!" I was also shocked at how that could come out of my mouth, being the ever acceptive, naive and willing doormat ever, this i tell you is an achievement :)

i dunno about you guys, but this kind of things really irritate me. Cant this people do their work honestly and not take advantage of their position and gain side income? These people are chosen to take up responsibilities, they are what we call penjawat awam... well it seemed to me they are more penjahat awam than penjawat awam. Huh.. M b my agent is crooked as well, trying to take advantage on my lack of experience in this kind of transaction but i'm not a fool who would easily fall for this hidden charges trick. Enough la wey.... is this your idea of making a living? Is this how you plan to get money to buy food for your family and send your kids to college? Better watchout your resources coz we are what we eat la...

if you are serving in the government agencies and holding top post or whatever, please, i plead you not to perpetuate this nonsense... we are the taxpayers (btw, have you all submitted your form? Not me i'm not taxable..hohoohoho), we deserve quality service from you all and spare us the pain of having to deal with incompetent, dishonest penjahat awam.. i mean penjawat awam. We often feel that

Those who went to the PTD assessment the other day, i wish that you all did well and got chosen (not me la, i screwed up big time). Penetrate into these agencies and do something from within! I believe that a lot can be done if people started undertaking their duties and responsibilities with honour. Stone, Kuman... Ingat yerrr...

Hehehe... patriotic pulak pagi2 ni. Actually aku bengang sebab tak dapat barang aku cepat pas tu nak kena bayar lak tuh. Cissss... but i do mean what i write. Really.

Ah, come on Chics... dun make that face :P

Driving the fastlane

2005-04-27T19:11:00.000-07:00

Contrary to my driving, when it comes to love i always take the fastlane. Stupid. Hasty. Me.

What to do, i'm just a serial heartbreakee on the prowl :P ... My first love (hahaha.. as if..) was when i was 18. Fresh from an all gal school. The closest contact i had with boys was when there were motivational courses combined with other co-ed boarding school. man that was fun :) Anyway.... I was 18 and there was this boy, i i liked him.. he liked me in return (ye ker??) . We coupled ... er within 24 hours of our first meeting i think... ye ye... kutuk lah aku ... so, ppl say easy come easy go. In less than 3 months we broke up.

My second love was 2 years later. The first experience was very traumatic that this time i took really, really long time to commit.. err 3 months? Ye ye... tau.... kutuk la lagi. At least this one lasted longer, almost 3 years. Not bad huh? Then we broke up. Ok next....

The third one, we took one year plus to finally have the courage to try only to break up the next day. ok, my bad. Again. Dah la... yang tu tak nak ingat, sedih sampai skang :(

Latest: i met this one nice fella. I told myself that it is not safe for me to drive on the fast lane gain. I know from my past experience, fast means rush. But before i knew it i stepped on the pedal and pushed hard really, really hard and suddenly i'm already on this fastlane that is so familiar to me and ahead on the very same lane, unseen but foreseeable lies the spot where my previous vehicles skidded and smashed. However, there's no changing lane for me anymore. I have to stay focus and concentrate on my driving. I find it hard to concentrate. I anticipate a big crash ahead, just the way it has always been. And to make things tougher, i get tranmissions from all around me reminding me to drive carefully, not to step on the gas to hard and to switch lane. Aiyohhhh... how la.

I am still driving. There's no turning back. I hope i will reach my destination and i hope this vehicle is in better condition compared to the previous ones. But of course it is. Noone wants to downgrade their cars, rite... semua nak upgrade. Everytime change our cars, we go for the better ones. So with a better car, i believe fastlane, tho challenging can still be safe. Provided that the driver and the vehicle are compatible. The driver and the car shld be complementing each other... i hpe my new car wld complement me coz i suck big time.

Yeah, what a bad metaphor. At least i try... if you dun understand me, just take it literally. I can also work that way. Something that Road Transport Dept could consider incorporating into their new kurikulum pemandu. Hhehehe

2005-04-26T14:00:00.000-07:00

we were having a YM conference...

chicsinred: dia tnay apa nik
nikyatiey: "nik, jgn marah ye i tanyer"
nikyatiey: "u pernah kiss chicky tak?
nikyatiey: i was like "wtf?"
nikyatiey: do we look gay?
tinaesq80: ahakss
tinaesq80: tapi penah ke tak?
tinaesq80: hahhaha
nikkittajudin: hahahahahaha
nikyatiey: bodoh la ko ni nikkit
chicsinred: hahahahahahahhahahahahahahaha
chicsinred: i likeeeee
chicsinred: penahla bodoh
chicsinred: tapi kat pipila
nikkittajudin: apsal aku plak yg bodoh?
tinaesq80: hahhahahhahahhahahahaha
chicsinred: sian nikkit
tinaesq80: pipi je ke
tinaesq80: we want more
tinaesq80: gile saiko aku
nikkittajudin: tak pasal2 aku yg kene
chicsinred: lagi lagi tu adelakan
chicsinred: huhuhu
nikyatiey: yang, jgn la citer kat org...
nikyatiey: hehehehh tapi kan seres la
nikyatiey: do we look gay?
tinaesq80: seres?
tinaesq80: sometimes mayb
nikyatiey: sumpah?
tinaesq80: org lain mayb la
nikyatiey: isk... patut la tak der org nak bgurat aku
tinaesq80: kalu aku tak la
chicsinred: aku nampak mcm les ke?
tinaesq80: alaaaa skang ramai yg berebut ape
tinaesq80: main2 je
chicsinred: hoh..barula aku tau
tinaesq80: duan sorng je dihati
nikyatiey: korang aku straight tau, SUMPAH!
tinaesq80: takde la nampak les

people tend to misunderstand our closeness. Just for the record, Me and Chicky... we're just FRIENDS.

Why do i even bother to clarify? Apasal aku defensive ni? Isk..isk...

2005-04-25T11:03:00.000-07:00

Sharina Roskamal, jangan jadi bodo... aku sayang ko dulu kini dan selamanyerrr... okie... *yeah so what if i sound gay, i know i'm not*

Your friendship means so much to me and i hope we could be friends till we're old with grandchildren (we cld be those grannies who watch their grandchildren playing @ the playground petang2), go for osteoporosis treatment sama2 and gi masjid dengar tazkirah sama2..hehehehe...

U, me, nek Tinah and Tok Nikkit would have our grannies' outing every month and bitch about our daughter in laws (hohhoohooh) ... (why cant they all be more like us?)

Listen, if anything happens after this... i cant tell you things wont change. Things will change. But let's make it bearable. We will still spend time together maybe not as often but if u EVER, EVER need me to pull you thru' jsut gimme a call. OK?

Hmmm... aku tulis cam nih cam nak mati lak... tak de pa pe la. Just so that u knoe, i love u, ko dah macam adik aku (that's becoz u were born in feb othrwise i'd say ko kakak aku, ok??). But dun start treating me like a kakak, u knoe i hate to feel old kan?

Bottom line is Chicky, jangan la sedey.... :)

Sorry i dunno how to post a picture of your vain self together with my entry here... nanti aku blaja ok-------->cross marketing...hahahahahha

2005-04-20T18:14:00.000-07:00

Thanks for coming
Thanks for knocking
Thanks for the smile u bring
Thanks for the joy we're sharing

Sorry for the hurt i caused
Sorry for the confusion stirred
Sorry for the sadness brought
Sorry for the hope crushed

Have faith in you
Have faith in what's true
Have faith in fate
Have faith in God's promise

Be strong thru the storm
Be strong and sing your song
Be strong when you are weak
Be strong when you're close to defeat

Think straight and look ahead
Think straight and you will see
Think straight and listen to what i said
Think straight and you're gonna make it

2005-04-19T18:25:00.000-07:00

Extract from Chic's entry on April 15, 2005

"...Another thing, why issit that when we are in a relationship, then only there are other options seemed to be open in front of us?Why issit that the other people will still want to try when they know that we are in a relationship?Is it that trying to get someone else from his/her couple is such a challange?Why don't they look for single people instead or mengurat orang tu masa dia single?"

Yes, why arr? A question i dont know the answer and i honestly dont care. Coz if i'm stuck in the situation i wouldnt care about the thid party's motive. I'd tell him/her to go fly kites. And if my partner is confused btwn me and the intruder, he's welcomed at anytime to get lost. Why the heck are you confused, you have already commited to me and now you get emotionally disturbed becoz someone better looking/ wealthier/ slimmer/taller than me likes you. Unless i'm treating you wrong, you shouldnt be confused.

The problem with people who gets confused is, u are worried over what u might be missing if you pass the temptation. You would be asking 'what if?', you cant help comparing your current partner and the devil that tempts you (sape tgk L Word tau la ni...) . U re scared that you might be missing something. Most of us never had enough of what we have. We are always tempted for more. We want more beautiful gf, we want more wealthy BF, we want more time from our partner. We want more, more, more and sometime we succumb to temptation... that's when we lose, funny thing is, we thought we gain more.

I think a lot of people are scared to commit because they are afraid of missing something if they settle for 'this one'. Oh, there might be someone better coming along. I just had a moment of clarity last nite. I think, all these while i (and i'm sure a lot of you too) dont want to commit yet because i was afraid that i might be missing something in the future. Mb in order to make committing easier, we should focus more on what we are about to gain and not what we might lose. If we commit to a relationship thinking that we might be losing something but pursued the relationship, we actually build our relationship on a less solid ground.

And when someone comes and disturbs the relationship, it gets easily shaky. Come on la, someone so called better will always pass us by but is it worthed to bet on it? To put your relationship at stake? What if this temptation is actually not as good as it seem. Padan muka. That's all i have to say.

You have feelings for someone who's already in a relationship? If she/he is HAPPY. Tolong jangan kacau. There's plenty of fishes in the sea. If you want her as a trophy, u are sick. And if you are the trophy, dont think that u are lucky. Of course it's ego boosting having ppl fighting over you. He who wins would parade you around like a trophy. A prize for his score. So what happens when scoring becomes yesterday's news? Trophy usually gets carried around for a show off and then shoved on a cabinet somewhere to gather dust. Padan muka jugak

A relationship is built cemented with commitment. If temptation of big boobs or bucks shakes you madly. U are not ready for commitment. Dont get into a relationship. You will end up confused and further confusing people around you.

2005-04-18T14:00:00.000-07:00

"U want commitment, take a look into these eyes
they burn with fire until the end of time,
and i would do anything... i'd beg i'd steal i'd die...
if u were in these arms tonite..."

Tolong sket, aku tak jiwang eh, last nite i listened to my old Bon Jovi cassettes and they rock big time mannnnn... After making comparison, yes, i have to agree with Stone, New Jersey is the best album. Who would forget i'll be there for you, born to be my baby and bad medicine i feel like a rock star whenever i listen to bad medicine. Not to mention blame it on the love of rock n roll...

"first time i heard the music, i tho' it was my own
i can feel it in my heart beat i can feel it in my bone
my momma says i'm crazy dad says i'm insane
i got this bogie woogie fever that's burning in my vein..."

Ahhh rock n roll... Such liberating feeling they bring me. I just love songs written in the 80's and early 90's they rock big time. Not to say that i dont keep myself updated with today's music scene, but i feel very connected with music from my younger years. I can still remember singing to the skid rows and poison's music with my late brother. My mom would scream and shout from the kitchen but we would just turn up the volume and sang louder...hahahaha.. i adore skid row's selftitle first album but their second one is too heavy for my liking, Slave To The Grind... fuh, the title itself creeps me out. However, if orgasm is really good, i think it would be at par (wont exceed) with the feeling i have whenever i fnish my round of Flesh and blood, seriously. I totally love it. Call me old fashion, i am.

One thing i observe about bands in the late 80s and early 90s is that their lyrics, they are all full with attitude. Yeah, sometimes they dont make sense, but it does sound good and lift my spirit

"ride the wind, never coming back until
i touch the midnite sun....bla...bla..bla...
saddle iron horses of chrome, taste the wild
lick the wind..."

If i had more exposure that time i wld have been a rock chic now instead of being in this boring profession... or, mb i'm now a successful groupie :P YIPPE!!!

I miss my late brother terribly lah. He wld have been 32 this year, probably with couple of kids and a beautiful wife. Or if he's still single we would hang out together and do our thing, rockin' like we always did :( Abang yie....

Anyway, life goes on... (that's poison, mind you). Music brings you to places you have been to and places you've never even been to. It makes you sad, it makes u groove. It makes you, it kills you (try listening to those soapy malay rock songs in the morning, rasa nak bunuh diri), I'm talking musicians who calls themselves musicians but sounds worst than a donkey shrieking. Not mentioning names here, sape makan nanas dia rasa lidas :P

GTG now, just so to let u know. Today i'm happy :) and i hope you too. Yes you all of you, including those who wish to see me unhappy... i'm happy as happy meal can be... tatatata...

2005-04-17T01:32:00.001-07:00

I dont mean to be sad,but i am sad. How can such a trivial, unimportant thing affect my mood and make me lose sleep. Dont you just hate it when things dont go the way you planned and u kinda anticipate something and something else turned up.

You get kinda excited over something and things just go another direction.To make things worse, u cant be mad coz it's either noone's fault, your fault of someelse's fault... it doesnt matter coz u dont have the right to be mad. So you just mad at yourself. Or you bottle it inside or the best you could do is bitch about it with a friend who kind enuff to give you the sympathetic look and say "sabar la" and nothing more coz she really doesnt know what to say to make you feel better.

My mom used to tell me.. eh, wait a minute, my mom never told me anything about life coz she expects me to know things myself coz i'm smart... no, (it was me!) i told myself to not get excited over stuff coz 87% i will be dissappointed. My theory is proven correct tonite. This serves as a useful 98th lesson. Ok i will remember, at least until tomorrow before i start getting unnecessarily excited again. Thank you. Now if you'll excuse me, i'm off to my chamber and and listen to my CD.

" i've got something that's been on my mind
come close i'll tell u problem i find
dont blame me i aint the one
blame yourself for the ghost in your past
... and kiss my ass"

Such attitude. Why cant i be like this. I think it's cool. I know i'll never be cool, i'll always be that plain dull jane who gets excited unnecessarily and get dissappointed later. Too often, i actually started liking it.

2005-04-14T18:29:00.000-07:00

Chics passed me the stick quater century ago, u dont want to read this it's boring. I just do this for chics, untuk menunaikan tanggung jawab zahir batin terhadap dia...

The questions:

1. What is the total amount of music fil?- i apologise. But i dunno how to check. Buta IT la katakan (ni seres ni)

2. The CD you last bought?- Chronicles of Life and Death (Good Charlotte). Yang aku beli kat pasar malam. Kualiti baikkkkkkk punyer

3. What was the last song you listened to before reading this message?- I wanna be with you by Mandy Moore

4. Write down five songs that you often listen to or that mean a lot to you.-

i. I wont worry (remedy) by Jason Mraz- I lurrrve this song. This is my mantra. I wont worry (tapi selalu gelabah gak). I just love it's catchy tune and i think Jason Mraz is BRILLIANT!

ii. Life Goes On by Poison- My fave song of all time. I listen to this song every night be4 sleep and every morning to go to work. Syahdu siot.

iii. Semusim yang berlalu by annuar zain- ha! gelak! gelak! sukati aku la... aku suka lagu ni, nih pun shaydu gak. Especially time drive sorg2 bila hari mendung...hehehehe

iv. 18 and Life by Skid Row- Tak tau la apasal tapi kalo aku nak jadik remaja rebellious masa muda2 dulu mesti lagu nih jadik theme song aku....
"NICKY was a young gal, she had a heart of stone...." kehkehkeh...

v. All Star by Smash Mouth- aku tak selalu dgr lagu nih skang sebab tak da kaset/cd dia tapi sekali sekala dgr lagu nih on radio memang best, it reminds me of my younger days in Uni and i just love the lyrics and it's catchy tune... i guess that's why i love Ratrace and Shrek I so much.

"u'll never shine if you glow, you'll never know if u dont go" (or something like it)

5. Who are you going to pass this stick to (3 persons) and why.-

i) Tinah- coz she's a cool chic
ii)Peachy, coz she's very pretty
iii) Bena becoz she's such a trophy :)

One problem tho'..... they all dunt havva blog :P

Oh Tuhan...

2005-04-13T17:51:00.000-07:00

I cant blog today... fikiran aku terganggu. Jiwa aku kacau. rambut aku kusut. aku benar2 ingin tahu.. jiwa aku bercelaru. Minda aku buntu, aku dicengkam rasa gelisah ingin tahu... siapakah... siapakah...
korang saper artis wanita berkumpulan tahun 1990-an yang kena tangkap pasal kes dadah tu? Isk Gila sial aku tak leh buat kerja duk ingat benda tu... cepat2... sape boleh bitau aku, aku belanja (nanti la, bila aku ada duit nanti).

*tawaran terhad sementara jawapannye tak masuk warta berita lagi*

2005-04-12T17:46:00.000-07:00

i bet you
have your nescafe ice
with someone else
i bet it taste better
i bet it is sweeter

ok fine
i dont care (do i?)
why should i care
when you dont care
about all the times
that we spent
u dont care
really, why should i care?

for your info
i've change since
u've changed
i have my limau ice
without sugar
last time i enjoyed
it sweeter
now i like it sour

do you notice
that zainul's curry
is not as good
as it used to be
or mb it's only me
and not the curry
pak cik zainul i'm sorry
for the bad publicity
ye la, ye la
your curry is the best curry
in this whole wide country

i'm trying to be wordy
but my poem sounds sickly
ok fine gotta let this out
of my chest, terribly
eventho' i'd look silly
dear turtle, i miss you
really....

This sickly poem was written under a really heavy influence of minyak angin kwai loong and uphamol, actually it's not a poem. It's an essay written in shorts rows and paragraph giving the illusion of a poem. At first the crappy poet tried to make it rhyme but finally she gave up and subscribed to the fact that she can never be a good poet or writer but after giving it a long thought she said whattheheck... a lot of writers dont make sense what, still they cld earn a living, writing. So, She would continue writing, and writing and writing until ppl get confused and think that rhymeless and senseles and meaningles is her style, that she does it on purpose... heheheehe

Hahahahahahaha...

2005-04-12T13:35:00.000-07:00

Illusions SKA is looking for an attractive woman in her 20s-30s

and is willing to participate in a reality show.

The woman will have to choose the best among 10 men.

They get married, will get a house, car and I think

allowance. She must be smart, reasonably attractive (tv mah)

and has a personality (don't all men say that?!) She

must be quick witted too.

If you or your friends are interested, please call

Illusions SKA at 03 2300 2247 (ask for Azran or

Kassim) or email Razlina Ramli at

razlina@95percent.com.my.

Personally, if such a woman exists, she'd run.

You think the men on the show won't be on their best

behaviour? Tunggu kahwin nanti, sure pelesit.

At the same time, how would we know the woman is perfect?

Ah hah!Then again what would I know? I only know how to type.

Saya yang menjalankan tugas untuk kawan-kawan saya,

iaitu Kassim, Raz dan Azran. Ha ha. I don't get a commission.

Please forward this to all your friends or post in your blogs.

> > Dina>

p/s:

and i post this so that my friends could apply and should any of them join the show, i'll havva good laugh... ala, chics, peachy.... jgn malu2, sila la....

2005-04-11T14:00:00.000-07:00

Would you share someone you love with other woman?

My Umi did. My mom did. For that i salute them. That is not an easy thing to do. Yes, i'm a product of poligamy. My mom is the second wife. She is not a bad woman, and not all woman who became somebody's second wife are bad. Yes, i know some did it for money, but for some, it's the fate that can not be evaded no matter how hard they tried or even if they dont rry, doesnt mean that they want it to be)

There are pros and cons to poligamy. i wont be talking about it based on the statistics, law or things that i read, i will share my experience living having two moms. I consider myself lucky that my dad's first wife is a very nice woman. We call her Umi, just like what her own children call her. She has 5 children. 3 sons and 2 daughters and my mom has 2 sons and 3 daughters. my dad memang terror! I think at first it was hrd for my Umi to accept the fact that her husband had married another woman, but finally, little by little she came in term and life was much easier for my naughty dad :P and the fact that my mom is a humble kampung girl who did not pull that "hahaha-i-win" antic also helped.

back then my dad was a custom officer who had to move around a lot. His two wives followed wherever he was assigned to, but never lived under one roof. The two househld would always be close to each other. If my dad went out of town for any assignment, he would always bring back two identical prezzies for the wives. I remember this one particular tea set that mom still keep, dad bought 2 sets of them. Mom's is blue and Umi's yellow. They often went to picnics together and both wives would sit at the backseat of the car and the children would sit in front. They have photos from their holidays and i will always admire my dad's good look, he would stand there sandwiched by two pretty ladies smiling ears to ears, with half dozen (that time) children surrounding them.

however, when dad finally assigned back to Kelantan around 80s, things started to change. Umi and my mom (whom i all mek) are not as close. I ask mom why arent they close to each other anymore, mom wld just dismiss me. I was still young then, i still havent got to know umi in person, but i always looked at the photos of her and my half brothers and sisters and wished that one day i cld meet them.

in 1993, my brother passed away in accident. Umi and her children came to our house. Umi looked so sad mb becoz when abang khairi was small he used to hang out a lot at umi's place. Umi and mom started talking to each other again after abang khairi's death. They were not close, but after so many years they started talking again, which is good. I'm not really sure about this but up to the year abang khairi passed away, ummi still thought that mom and dad only had 4 kids. She knows about my younger sister becoz it so happened that when mom gave birth to my sister in 1987, her son administered the anasthethic. So, guess who's not in the picture here? Yeah, me... ada ker anak comel macam ni disorokkan keujudannyer? Gila tak logikkk... hehehehehe..

dad started to get really, really ill when i got into matrix. Since then mom and umi got close again. They had to cooperate to take care of my dad. dad always went in and out of the hospital and umi and mom would take tuurns to take care of him. If people ask umi who is the other lady that replaced her to take care of dad the nite before, umi would say "adik ambo" (my sister).

dad passed away in 2001, but i think he went in peace. We all love him so much and we will always do. We never fought over what dad left for, besides, there's nothing much to fight about :P Dad used to tell me
"ayah tak banyak harta. Anak2 ayah ayah kasi peluang belajar. Belajar pandai2, kerja elok2. Tu je harta yang ayah tinggal"
thanks dad, it's invaluable. I couldnt ask for more.

till today we always go to umi's place whenever we go back to our kampung. Umi's not really well now. so i try not to miss the chance to visit her. My brothers and sisters are great. They are nice ppl who does not envy us or anything, then again there's nothing about us to be envied about pun coz they are all successfl people.

I once askd my mom, how does it feels like to see dad with Umi, didnt she get jealous? She said it feels like her heart fell to the floor. Such short answer but very meaningful. So, despite all the good things and convenience, when it comes to feelings, u just cant lie to yourself. Sharing the love of the man that you love is painful and i pray and pray and pray taht i wldnt have to go thru that. If mom felt that way, think of what Umi would've felt? After all she is the first wife. So again, i pray and pray and pray that i wldnt have to share, be it as first, second, third, fourth wife or mistress :p

Aminnnn

2005-04-10T18:14:00.000-07:00

Where to start. Which part of this shitty weekend should i start bitching about? Hmm.. ok..

I woke up @7.30 am on Saturday. It was great. Kinda wind, cold. Cool. I made my way to JPN in PJ to collect MYKAD, shld be aesy that's y if u notice i skipped the mandi part :P. thought i'd just go and take my IC and chow sin. I have list of chores to do that day. Mykad was one of it.
Easy? Boy i was wrong. I spent almost 4 hours there! Just waiting to cllect MYKAD. Bugger! I dont remember waiting that long to make it last time. So my carefully planned day was half ruined. I was supposed to finish collecting MYKAD around 8.30, go jogging and by 10.30 get my Timmy to the mechanic for service. See how goverment of malaysia interfere with my daily life ? Bengang betul

Ok, how weird is this.. my ex called me and asked me to go jogging with him Sunday evening.

Yana came and saved me from boredom (i was home in my room listening to my cds when she asked me to come to her house for a sleepover. I cld ask her to play with my her and do our late nite talking macam biasa, best gak.. so i packed my things. On my way out i received a phone call frm this one peson that i befriend for past few weeks, i'm not sure if befriend is the rite word to use coz we're not actually friends, he's been calling me and i answered and we had some conversation and send smses. That's all. I kinda like talking to him coz i cld be my usual self and speak what's on mymind and he never ambik hati. Or so i thought la. .. so we talked.. talked and talked.. to one point..

he: so u pegi sleepover nih biasa pompuan mmg suka borak2
me: ha'ah
he: i hope i'm not one of the agenda
me:sorry eh... we only talkabout important things
he: ok la
*put down the phone*
me:ok...eh dah letak?

on my way to my fren's place i got this sms...
"I feel that u are bit out of my league or vice versa. You know where to find me if ever u come frm wherever planet ure. A man has his dignity to maintain. Bye"

to which i replied
"was i being rude?. Sorry. I guess the way i joke with my friends is not acceptable to you. Bye"
Seriously la, i dont knw how was i being rude to him.

i thot it ends here, nope...
"not about the joke. I can accept women turning medown, but you are rude when talking to me. Maybe u think ou are someone i dont know. This is for your own good. I doubt any of your fren hve ever told u this. I also ont care if u dont listen to me. t's your lfe girl."

la, gitu pulokkkk

"ok, noted. I'm rude. will try to improve. Bye"

Sukati la labu... i tried not to care. But i do care. I was upset that i slept early. Tak sempat nak main2 rambut dgn Yana, darn...
Oh yer... kesimpulan yang aku dapat dari sini adalah, guys like it when we dont really speak our mind or bila cakap dgn lelaki ckp lah dgn bertapis, kalau tak dia kecik hati. La... kata suka pompuan jujur. Gila sial, pelik aku tak paham lelaki semacam mana org laki tak paham org perempuan. Tetiba aku rs nak kwn dgn pompuan jer, aku tau what women want. Seres la...

mamat nih buat aku paranoid lak,peeps, if i ever wronged you in any way, i'm sorry... i tried to at my best behavour but i'm not perfect. I'm sorry if i hurt any of you in any way.

I woke up quite late, somewhere around 10.30, 11.00... shite! Mira's hen party wld be @12.30 and i havent got my Timmy serviced yet. Cilaka, all the places i went to tutup on Sunday i spent two hours looking in vain just to miss mira's party. The girls might think i dont care, i wanted to go, really but ... shit! everything went wrong today :( I cameback too tired to think and when my ex called to ask me to go jogging i just passed. Aku penat wey. Mental and physical.

to top that up, aku ada kerja ofis tak siap lagi... huwaaaaaa...

2005-04-08T22:56:00.000-07:00

Jahat la blogspot nih. Penat aku tulis panjang2. Hilang semua. Merajuk dah. Tak nak blog :(

2005-04-06T17:30:00.000-07:00

Unlike Keng who wrote a lengthy essay about his old handphone just to brag about his new one, I'm gonna write about my current handphone which will remain current until i cld afford to buy a new one (which, looking from how ciput my salary now... new phone wld be affordable somewhere around 2007..huhuuhhu).

Anyway, i named her pon pon. Despite being very modest looking, very unsophisticated with limited function, tak trendy, murahan, Pon2 has served me well for the past two years. Pon2 is the sole witness of the ugly conversations i had with numerous people, drenched in my tears, saw my stupid face grinning ear to ear, fell so many times due to the fact that tuan dia memang cemerkap... pendek kata nik and pon2 went thru a lot of bad and happy moments together. Now pon2 started to betray me... she betrayed me when i need her most, masa aku tgh gayut!!! Why pon2, why? i asked! Just when i'm about to get into the conversation, the other end went quiet. It happned so many times that i cldnt take it anymo'. I must say this...

"Pon2, aku ceraikan kau dengan talak tiga. "

*muzik latar sayu*

But actually, i still need her, since new phone is only affordable in 2007. I still need to be contacted, rite? How would my friends greet me good morning if i dont have a phone, how wld chics and i bitch if i dont have a phone, how cld ppl ask me out if i'm not reachable? So, ok. We are back to being friends.

"sorry i over reacted, pon2"

"it's ok nik, i understand u're under a lot of pressure"

Fine.

So, we are good now. It's just that Pon2 is really ill. So people, if u call me and suddenly the line went dead, it's not me it's pon2. Please understand.

2005-04-05T17:30:00.000-07:00

Today i got to sleep longer. I have to do something in Klang today but it wouldnt be anytime before 11.30 am. So i woke up @ 8. Layan Drew Carey jap, layan Home Improvement jap... then there's Oprah. yummy. watching my favorite show on a morning when i shld be working is just, awesome.

Maybe Oprah is emotionally tired today so she decided to have lighter topic . So, there i was witnessing what described as among amazing thing happened/exist in USA.

There was this very small horse called CUDDLE. CUDDLE is on the World record for being the .... (hang on to your seat!!!) first horse to board a train and a plane *yawnyawn*. But Cuddle is one nice tiny horse la, it has become the eye for its blind master. instead of having a dog, Cuddle's owner chose to walk around guided by a horse. Cool.

Then there was an Afghan girl who was severely burnt in a freak accident, while trying to cook for her family. An American doctor gave her a new hope for life when he gave her a reconstruction surgery. She appeared on Oprah's, looking almost normal. Speaking in English. She learnt English within 2 weeks. cool.

a 4 yr old gal who has vast amount of general knowledge. Fuckin' cute. She knows stuff that even grown ups dont know. Stuff like Millard filmore is States' 13th president (but i know this too coz it's written on my birthday key chain, we are bday mates.. tough luck, huh?) and a lot of other stuff that we would have known should we pay more attention and not take information thrown at us for granted.

Then came my favorite stuff from Oprah...

Due to an illness, a man's penis had to be removed. This has put him in a very devastated state and he felt that his manhood has been robbed from him. His main aim is to function as a man again (huh, so man is only good for sex ke?) .. alamak, marah pulak. Anywayyyy... a doctor stepped up to the plate and promised him his manhood. This is the first time such procedure ever being done. What they did was, they hahahhahaahhaahah...sorry, sorry... cant help myself... they surgically removed one of that man's fingers and attached it where the penis was originally located and reconstructed the finger into, voila! a new penis! Hahahahaa... I'm not sure which finger was selected but my guess wld be the longest of all, the middle one, talk about man being vain and irony.... ala... middle finger :P After few months/weeks (am not sure, was busy laughing, didnt really concentrate) that man can fully function as MAN. This procedure brings new meaning to finger fucking. Isk..isk...

Ouchhh...

2005-04-04T13:44:00.000-07:00

Why does my back hurts so much?
Why is it aching too much?
why? I asked...

i found the answer over the weekend
what came to me
i'll never comprehend
till last saturday
i tho' u were my friend
but it came to me
u're somekind of friend
who stabs your 'friend'
with your own two hands

If it's someone else
i dun give a rat ass
curse me whatever
i'll throw it down the river
how could u do this
i'll never discover...
man u are sick
and it's not just a fever
your mental illness
proves to be severe
i'd like to tell you
our friendship ends here

so my back hurts coz
u stabbed it bad
u're one hell of a friend
that i thot i had
you have issues with me?
why dont we talk it over
there is no need
for such disturbing behaviour
all these time i tho' u were sincere
never tho' u are the biggest liar
just go away, i dont need you here

someone pull the knife
off my back
yes, my back
where i was stabbed
i never knew it feels so bad
to lose a friend
that i never had...

2005-04-02T10:00:00.000-08:00

An indonesian cleaner @ my office used to give me 10 bucks.

I just started working, somewhere around mac last year. Being the new girl on the block, i was friendly to almost everyone, including the cleaner. She is a typical indonesian woman who come to Malaysia to earn a living, friendly and nice. The cubicle nxt to mine was vacant so once in a while she'd come and had her breakfast there. I didnt report her coz i dont see the point of doing so.

One day she came to me complaining that her back (or neck... i cant remember) hurts. She even showed me a small lump that form under her skin. She was worried. So i told her to go see a doctor, to which she replied... "kakak tidak ada permit dik" opssieee. So i told her to go see bomoh kampung whatsoever, they wont ask for kartu pengenalan atau permit, rite? She said she would. So she went. Still no improvement.

She looked worried and sad. I put on a confident face and told her "jgn risau kak. 2 minggu lagi hilanglah tu." She still look worried so i added... "percaya cakap saya, saya dapat rasa 2 minggu lagi boleh baik, jangan la risau sangat". She smiled. I dont think anyone in their right mind would buy that but she did (or mb all she needed was comforting words and i gave that to her...) She left looking less worried. Betol tak tipu.

Since then, she'd come to my cubicle every other morning and told me that "bijinya masih belum hilang dik, masih sakit" to which i often responded "kan belum 2 minggu lagi, lepas 2 minggu mesti hilang punyer" So what if i was giving her false hope, what if after 2 weeks it' s still be there. I tho' i'd cross the bridge when i got there.

I lost count of days. One morning she came and handed me 10 bucks. I was shocked! I asked her why? She kepton smiling and told me that her lump has subsided and the pain gone. Of course it took more than two weeks, but she told me that she was so happy that it's finally gone. So she's giving me the 10 bucks to show how grateful she is to God. I tried to decline but she said "kakak sudah nazar sama tuhan mahu belanja adik , ambil. Nanti kakak berdosa" now who could argue with that. So i took it. kept that 10 bucks note in my purse and i must admit (nih giller poyo la) i feel warm everytime i look at it (see, told you i'm very poyo). I promised myself not to spend it becoz it's not just a normal 10 bucks note, it's more than that. It's a proof that life is about sharing, giving hope to others and that God do help us when we have faith. It's a proof that no man is above the other. Proof that you cld never be too proud to receive or too inferior to give.

I never spent that money. Until of course, i was cashless and i desperately needed to buy a magazine @ kiosk. I traded THE PROOF for a magazine with Kim Catrall's panties showing on the cover. Shame on me. But i still remember whatttttt

Iklan... iklan...

2005-04-01T13:18:00.000-08:00

I found something interesting at the paylessbok the other day. A second hand book, cheaply priced but heavenly to read. It's not really a book, it's collection of pot-shots... it's hillarious! Very selamba and refreshingly witty. Title of this book is "I MAY NOT BE TOTALLY PERFECT BUT PARTS OF ME ARE EXCELLENT" written by Ashleigh Brilliant. A brilliant read, i assure you... collection of witty, memorable quotes . "I want either less corruption, or more chance to participate in it" hahaha.. how cute is that? try this, sweet or not... "i'd like to think of you on days that starts with a morning" . Or maybe this... " if you dont let me make you happy, i'm gonna make you suffer" or " there has been an alarming increase in the number of things i know nothing about". The list goes on but this book has cute illustration accompanying the quotes, making it really, really meaningful.

So, i wanna share this book with anyone who's interested. If you are, just tell me i'll lend you. Come on, i'm not charging or anything i just like to share it... any taker? Chics?

??

2005-03-31T13:00:00.000-08:00

Experts do not rule out possibilities that the earthquake predicted to hit Sumatera in the near future could affect Malaysia especially on the west cost. I dont want to worry unnecessarily but i am worried. My geography teacher said that malaysia is situated out of the pacific ring fire and that we are safe from earthquake and tsunami and volcanoes. I guess when God says "let it be", it will be, despite what we learnt in books, despites theories and scientific findings. No one in any part of the world is safe. No amount of money cld give you security and guarantee.

Another earth quake. Another catastrophy. Thousands of lives are lost. I fear that the world is coming to an end. Ever noticed how fast time passed nowadays? Felt like Monday just passed when in fact today is already Thursday. I used to dread weekdays and long for weekends, now it scares me how weekends come so fast every other week.

Do you know what you really want in life? And should the world come to an end tomorrow do you know what one thing that you really, really want to do before you close your eyes? Someone asked me this question and sadly, i cldnt answer. I spend my whole life wanting a lot of things, new jeans, new shoes, new car, new job... but deep down i know those things do not make me feel whole, the joy that they bring is temporary and as soon as it's over i felt that i should start getting myself new stuff so that i could be happy again. Sad. I spent my whole life wanting things that i dont really want and not knowing what i really want when i actually really, really want it. Confusing? Go figure. I bet a lot of you are like me. Or maybe i'm the only weirdo here.

Ultimately, i have one question for all of you. If u are to die tomorrow, what is it that you really really want to do or what is it that you have achieved that makes it easier for you to say godbye without any regret? Come on answer me, perhaps what you want is also what i want...

2005-03-28T18:11:00.000-08:00

Thing that i wish my car could do or has;

1) FART. It would be superb if cars could fart and the smell has strong penetration power so that the drivers of at least 3 cars behind could smell it. This would come in handy when you manage to overtake the rude drivers who wouldnt let u pass even u have signaled like, ages ago.

2) SIDE MIRRORS THAT COULD SLAP. Handy to teach the rude mat rempits who think they are invincible and always get away even after scratching our cars.

3)ADDITIONAL SIDE PARKING TYRES. Much needed by drivers like me who are hopeless at parallel parking. It's like, every car should have additional four tyres, each tyres would enable the car moves left to right (and vice versa) and not back and forth.

4) REGISTRATION PLATE THAT REFLECTS CAMERA FLASH. And hide the registration no. No more saman ekor and to add some fun, the reflection causes certain other writing to show up in the picture, something like... "ala silap sikit takkan nak saman :P"
ok la, if that's hard to do maybe a 'veil' would come down and cover the registration plate, at a push of a button.

5) All cars should have this: a mean of communication between drivers. Work for vehicles that are in a same area within certain radius (err... like walkie talkie). Registration numbers could be the 'phone number'. So, when you're stuck in a jam and saw cute guy in the car behind you, u cld give it a shot. Or if he drives like shit you could shout profanities at him and make yourself be heard.

tu je la, yang lain semua Timmy boleh buat.

Small Dot

2005-03-28T14:00:00.000-08:00

i'm a small dot fear me not
tho' for u i have a hot
stalk u i will not

i'm just a small dot
not your favourite fancy polka dot
i'm a small dot
nothing else but dot dot dot

i'm a small dot
see me u cld not
i cld stand here till i rot
see me u still not
u're such a hot shot
and i'm just a small dot...

but hey since
i'm only a small dot
i'd do what small dot
do best
i'd be the mole near your lips
so i'd still be there
when you sleep
and know all the secrets
that u keep
maybe u do weep
in your sleep

and if you do
let this small dot weep
with you...

2005-03-27T21:44:00.000-08:00

I dun intend to blog today. I mean, why should i blog? It has been a satisfying weekend for me. I was in the office from 10 to 5 on Saturday, got almost all work done, tidy up my workstation. Didnt go out that nite, waited to watch The Kumar's at No. 42, but they aired the same episode as last week, so switched to I know What U Did Last Summer and before i know, Jennifer Love Hewitt was watching me sleeping :P

I woke up around 7 this morning. Exercise a bit, had my dosage of Poison's Flesh & Blood, singing out loud... i think my housemates hate me coz i was to loud. So to make up for that, i cleaned the house. Around 10.00 Wani asked me to come with her to the wet market. One of our friend celebrated her birthday yesterday, so we threw her a belated birthday party. First day mesti celebrate dgn boyfriend maaaa... So, we cooked the best mee goreng in town *come on Sue, dun make that face when you read this, it's nice laaaaa, i think* We had a good time everyone left my house at about 6 pm.

Feeling bored, i asked my housemates to join me jalan-jalan in Taman Tasik Perdana. Yeah, so what if i'm poyo, the taman must serve it's purpose and if you guys are too unpoyo to go, then i'll go. To tell you the truth, it's quite nice there. It just stopped raining when we got there, it was green everywhere and the muscles was so fresh.... i mean the air was so fresh. We had good time goofing around, playing with the monkey bars we realised that it was already dark. So made our way to the car. Problem is, we cldnt remember where we park. The bloody taman tasik was quite big it was very confusing i dont really know my way there. So, pusing punye pusing finally we got to Timmy we was waiting for us alone in the dark, cold and feeling unloved (Timmy is my tiny car, mind u).

In my car my housemates made this comment. "Wah Nik, weekend nih produktif ye kau. Senaman ada, jumpa kawan lama, kejer kat office siap, baju dah basuh" I was like, yeah, this is a good weekend and i'm happy. So, we went home and i took my bath and performed my prayer. I felt refreshed than ever. My housemate was working on something on my pc when i came near her and saw this one small msword icon on my desktop. It reads "Resume Superb", i almost forgot about it. I saved turtl... eh, tak leh sebut nama dia, nanti kena bayar chics seringgit. So, i saved his resume on my pc so that i could use it as a precedent when i want to make my own resume. Dengan gatal tangannyer, i snatched the mouse away from housemate and i clicked on the icon. There he was staring straight at me. Yeah, so he wasnt really staring at me, for all i know he cld be starng at the camera of some apek tua mana tah kat bukit mertajam tu. but his stare felt so sharp. My heart instantly dropped. Suddenly this weekend is not that great anymore. It feels hollow. It's not just this weekend, in fact my whole life felt hollow at that moment.

So hollow. I need to blog.

Nik yang cemerkap

2005-03-25T13:46:00.000-08:00

I'm very careless.

I talk, walk and type klumsily... opsss. See?

I'am always reminded of how clumsy i am by the amount of scars on my body. but the most memorable one is the one i have on my left hand's 2nd finger. That, i got from a gourmet accident when i was working in Gloria Jeans. I can still remember how blood spurted from the 'self-inflicted' cut. Hey, it wasnt intentional. I was tryin' to cut open a plastic sauce wrapper with a knife when i suddenly tripped over some plastic cups on the floor and lost control and accidentally cut my hand. 6 hours running around the kitchen, u too would lose concentration, not entirely my fault ok... Today, i'm glad i have that scar, apart from reminding me how careless i am, it also reminds me that earning money is not easy. Wayyyy harder than spending it. Nonetheless, i still indulge in retail therapy. Nak buat macamana, orang pompuan. Kata tak de telo... hmmmm...

Where was i? Ahhh... my carelessness. i would prove my carelessness by telling you a story entitled "The day i discovered that i'm stupid". I was going back from work and i carried quite a lot of stuff in my hands. I had my gym bag, my documents bag, shoe bag and two files in both my hands. After loading all the stuff into the backseat of my car, I happily drove off. So, later that nite after a nice sweaty session at the gym i search frantically in my car. Mana file aku? Mana file aku? They were no where to be found. I started panicking. Called all my colleagues, went back to the office, search the parking lot, drive thru the same road in case i cld find my files lying somewhere in the middle. I didnt find it. I swear to God i put it in the car. someone must have broken into my car and stole those files. It had to be! My God! finally crime affect me, directly. I was ready to make a report. It was 1 in the morning and i couldnt sleep coz i lost the files and i have a matter first thing in the morning. I felt like commiting suicide.

That morning, first thing fist, i went to the Land Office feeling rotten than ever. I explained to the ADO and client that.... (ehem...ehemm... -clearing throat-) "Due to a technical problem with our compactus facility, i couldnt produce the relevant documents today, but undertake to forward the same as soon as this problem is rectified." Hohoooho... white lies... white lies... kalo diorang tanya lagi masalah apa aku plan nak jawab kunci bilik compactus hilang, boleh??? God loves me, they didnt scold me and didnt ask me further.

Now the hard part, telling my boss that someone had broken into my car and stole those files. I was driving back alone from Bangi, cursing the perpetrator and paying that he'd go to hell for the sin he commited against me when i got a call from one of my colleague. "Nik, file awak dah jumpa... balik la ofis nanti citer"

So, what have we here. A thief with a heart (??)

At the office.
"Nik, kak wati secretary Dato' Zaid jumpa file awak kat parking lot. Berterabur. Sekarang Mr Chew tgh jumpa boss, boss suspect ada orang nak sabotaj kita"
"erkkk..." i was lost for word... then it came bck to me... I put both files on my car's roof so that i can reach into my bag for the car keys.. after loading the stuff into my car, i drove off. With the files stillon the roof.
That day i discovered that i'm stupid.

That is one among other instance of my carelessness. On numerous occasion i almost got killed because of it. Especially when i'm driving. I never seemed to learn. This trait is not good especially for someone in my profession when liability is only an inch away.

Hey, did i tell you that about one month after what happened i left my file at a bench near at the land office again?? heheehehe...

2005-03-23T18:49:00.000-08:00

I myself dont get me

so how cld u understand me

sometimes i feel like kicking me

sometimes i feel like kissing me

mr, can u please help me

can u be me

for an hour or so

so that u could kiss me

when i'm being the good me

and kick me

when i'm being the bad me

sometimes i like red

sometimes i like black

i'm always torn between red and lack

but i've always known

that i love blue

sometimes i'm so lively

that's what i like about me

sometimes i feel like zombie

that's when you can come and kick me

and bring me back to reality

that only me can be me

that u cant be me

that only me can kick me

that only me can kiss me

that it's me who makes me sad

that it's me who makes me glad

oh it's not easy being me

as it's not easy being you

or is it easy being you?

now u see the problem i'm having

with me?

i complicate simple thing

maybe becoz my life is boring

if my life werent that boring

i'd learn to be more accepting

and stop questioning

stupid thing

such as, why cant i kiss me?

2005-03-22T19:02:00.000-08:00

This entry does not have any ulterior purpose, invitation, denial, malice, insinuation whatsoever, i'm just venting out my feelings and opinion (as at today).

Love is very confusing. I'm not sure whether it is real. I'm not sure whether it is merely a concept or really godsent. Is love natural or only a human creation. There were phases in my life i believe in it so badly that it hurts me and there were also phases where i'm very skeptic of it. Ideally, i prefer to believe. So that, i could comfort myself that there is a supreme power called love that will make every wrong right and turns sadness into happiness. People been saying that love will give you the strength and hope. Remember that song by mariah carey, Hero?

Something about finding the love inside yourself and becoming strong? All songs are written in the name of love. But is it really powerful? Will love really make you and not break you? As much as i wanted to believe, love always betrayed me. Everytime i try to devour the warmth of love in my heart, i come to realise that that is the warmness of my heart bleeding. All this prompt me to question it's validity. Everytime i got hurt i and i become a skeptic towards love, i feel safe. Dont you all feel safer when you're not in love? I do. I tell you i do, say, think stupid things when i'm in love and i'm a lot more sane when i'm not in love. I guess it is true when people say that the first sign of love is the last of wisdom. At least for me. I'm stupid when i'm in love. Enuff said.

Apart from my own heartbreak, i've experienced a lot of secondary heartbreak (inf, pinjam your term). I love it when my friends are happily in love. What more if the bf are nice and treatin' my friends like princess (a bit jealous.. but not unhealthy jealousy, mind you...) . I've seen bf of my friends crying infront of me, calling me crying asking me to persuade the gf for them... shamelessly confide in me tht they would die without my friend.. bla..bla...bla... Man, that time, i believe in love 200%. man! What strong force could turn such macho creatures to tears? What else if not love??? The next thing i know. They broke up. Break up over lil' things. Chico dgn iffa raziah siap cakap kat URTV, "hanya maut pisahkan kami" sambil peluk2 macam nak rak ambik gambar poster(yeah..yeah... so i read URTV, but i never bought them what???) few months later, they broke up. Hehehehehe... tak mati pun. So, what so supreme about love? If it's that great, the relationship should be durable, can withstand the test of almost anything. Tak pun. Problem is, people say lotsa thing to show their love, when things dont go their way, they'll look cheap. You give love a bad name.

One more thing that confuses me is the oncept of THE ONE. I have a lot of people telling me, "oh... maybe you havent found THE ONE yet, like i've found Abu (bukan nama sebenar) *while gazing into each other's eye, holding hand*. The next thing i know the guy always hit the gal for not being committed enuff in their relationship. Apparently God has designated a boxer for my friend. Oh, well... that's her "THE ONE". No thanks, if God created such One for me, i'd pray hard so that God will give me a new one. So, tell me what you think...

a) the one will come in the perfect manner which you have dreamt of them since you were 6?

b) anyone can be the one if you love them and accept them the way they are

if (a) one would have to wait until the perfect one comes what if the perfect one never came? U waited and waited and waited and suddenly you're 40 and not married and living with your cat? if (b) just take whoever that comes along (so u wont become a spinster) ... but what if, the perfect one comes after u have accepted the less perfect one? shld u break the heart of the less perfect one just to be with the perfect one? And how do you know the perfect one would remain perfect after, 5,10 years??And the fact that love is not that supreme doesnt do much jugak kan..

*note that THE ONE and PERFECT ONE are used interchangably... lebih kurang la makna dia phm2 sdr la.

Fucking confusing.

p/s: i started working last year on 22 Mac 2004. It's been one year in the working adult world. Yippe!!!

2005-03-22T14:13:00.000-08:00

10 things i generally hate;

1) tak reti tengok jam, especially when it involves my time, my arrangement. Contoh: nak ikut
aku kluar tapi bersiap lembap, when i said kol 10.00 kitakluar maksud dia pukul 10 kita dah
dlm keter bukan pukul 10 baru nak pakai mskara!!!!! Ok fine, so i always do this, but do it
reasonably la. If it's important to your friend that you guys should leave at that time... be
considerate la. Lain la kalo stakat nak pegi mamak...

2) people who hoggs bathroom in the morning. Kejadahnye ko mandi sampai 1 jam. Kalau nak
korek sana korek sini pun, bangun la pukul 5 pagi, baru tak menyusahkan orang!!! Duduk
lama2 dlm jamban tu, tgh beranak anak kerbau ke apa...

3) snob. Ever encounter a situation where you go to a kedai makan and you see other people
treating the waiters/waitresses like they are 2nd class citizen? Buat muka juta-juta, cerewet
tak tentu pasal. Mintak elok2 boleh tak? I used to be a waitress i know la. And, there's lots of
things we could do to your foods and drinks. So, be nice.

4) Lousy waiters/waitressess. Dah la lambat ambik order, muka macam cuka. Order pulak bila
sampai lambat. Tone suara tak mesra. If i encounter this i'll become no.3, but only after i got
all my food and drinks. Hohohoho...

5) People taking things for granted and causing me problem and costing time. Contoh, kalau aku
suruh file AOS 14 hari sblm mention, tlg la file awal2. Ko file lambat order tak dapat, aku kena
marah (dah la aku bodo..selalu kena marah!)

6) People who makes me feel bad about myself by making stupid, rude, thoughtless remarks.
Come on... you cant be that mindless to be passing that remark if u used your brain to your
advantage kan. Contoh: yang nih aku malas nak kasik contoh, sendirik makan nenas rasa
sendiri rasa lidas la...

7) Loud , open mouth chewing. Public spitting and farting. Unless accidental, unforgivable. It's
not funny.

8) People who does not do their work, delegate it to their subordinates (read: me), makes it look
as if he's trying to educate me, let me learn stuff when actually he's just trying to let himself
off the hook!

9) Dah hutang buat2 lupa lak. Unless i love you so much, yes, i'd like money back. I dun know
how to ask for my money back. Do me a favor, dun make me ask u coz it's gonna be very
weird and awkward.

10) Boring conversation. if you have nothing interesting to say, just shut up and let me drive and
sing to my fave song, okay???

there u go, 10. But i have another 30 more... later, dude...

2005-03-21T14:00:00.000-08:00

Since i'm just a recovery lawyer, i dont do big time litigation matter, i dont go to court fighting karpal sigh or handle any juta2 punyer citer case in court, i have a lot of time to talk, talk, talk and gossip2... here's one work related story that i feel interesting to share with you guys. This demonstrates how smart MEN are and that they would always find their way when they want something.

There was this couple. They were happily married for more than 10 years, peacefully sailing their love boats in the sea of romance (saje buat korang geli sikit). The wife felt so blessed for having such a good husband and two wonderful kids (yang ni aku tambah, biar dramatik sikit... mana la aku tau dia rasa blessed ke tak, kan??) little did she knows that tidal waves were about to hit their love boat. One day, she discovered that the captain of her boat is navigating another boat (u knoe what i meannnn). She was so broken hearted. A fight ensued and the husband left their house. He later married that other boat, i mean... woman.

The house in which the ex wife lived with their two kid were bought under the husband's name and was still under assignment with the bank. The husband wantd the house, but the wife refused to get out of the house. This is so because the wife felt quite safe coz under the law, the house is considered their "harta sepencarian" eventho it is under her husband's name. Even he wants to sell it, she is entitled to atleast half of it coz the house was procured within their marriage. So she felt safe la, she didnt know that another rush of tidal waves would hit her captainless boat (hohohhoo... bodoh sial aku nih..)

The smart husband defaulted the house instalmet on purpose! Yes, he did! Son of a ***** btol mamat nih. Bla... bla... bla... to cut short the long story, the house were foreclosed and guess who bids at the next auction?? Pandaiiii.... BINI BARU DIA! So this guy is smart in the sense that, he doesnt owe the bank anymore.... no need to give harta pencarian on that house to the ex-wife, bought his own house using the new wife's name. So, the ex-wife got evicted from that house and captain and his new wife started a new voyage in the old boat...

I dunno about the ex-wife. But i'm no angel. If i were her i would damage the house beyond repair before leaving it... hahahah... usually if u buy a house on auction, the is this clause saying that the house would be sold on "AS IS WHERE IS" basis. caveat emptor, buyer beware. so be it la kan. You took my husband, and buy this shack.. hohohhoh... who has the last laugh now?

2005-03-19T10:18:00.000-08:00

I'm so relieved today. Last nite i took care of something long pending. Now that the matter is res judicata, i can finally sit back, relax and enjoy my status quo. I'm not happy but at least i settled one clustered area of my life. One area that has always been grey, neither right nor left, neither up nor down. I owe this to a friend. A new friend i got to know after i started blogging. And he gave that reality slap in my face that is much needed, thank you. I'm no expert and i have no place to give advice on love and relationship coz i suck big time at it. Buth hey, if people DO learn from mistakes, i must have my doctorate in love already coz i made lotsa mistakes :P

Ok, now. I have to focus on becoming content with my life. Lately i've developed a habit of spending money on something that i dont really need at very unsuitable times. Last week i was upset about something, was doing a grocery shopping at carrefour with my housemate when i figured that watching some feel good DVD would do me good. So i bought myself a dvd player impromptu. Isk... i ot to stop doing it. Aku bukan anak orang kaya and gaji pun kecik. I got to stop bribing myself just to feel happy. Unfortunately, i think this disease is incurable. The only way to deal with this is by having damage control. So, if i shop when i'm sad... to stop shopping i cant be sad. If i dont want to be sad, i need to be happy. So, i bought this book "IF I WANT TO BE HAPPY, I WOULD..." dont judge me. People do all sort of things to be happy, in my case, if i eed to consult lifeless pages, i would! Hehehe... anyway... i read the book and to my annoyance the suggestions are quite impractical... e.g GO FLY A KITE! The writer goes on to say... " On the next windy day, build or buy a kite, go to the nearest open field, let out the string, and let all your cares and worries go up, up, up and away. Forget your adult responsibilities for a moment and recapture the essence of unfettered happiness" Flying a kite makes you happy? Not yet tested but i think it's not easy lah. What if i am working and suddenly i feel unhappy, should i leave everything and go fly a kite? Ahhh... stupid whiteman. I need to buy another book... *sigh*

I must have an aim in life. Maybe not a long term goal coz if it's to far in the future, it'll take time to actually see it and i'll get demoralized easily. So it would be a mid-length term goal. So, let's see what i can achieve this year. Something trivial to other people but enough to gimme the nudge to move forward..forward... forwarddddd... I have wasted enough energy over something that led to nowhere. Why dont i invest my resources (the book calls energy, love, rest etc as resources... heheheeh) in something that would gimme something in return. And it is... *wooohooooo*... I read somewhere that hopes and dream are two things that keep you going. It's ok to dream. It's good to dream. I read in a book (ok fine, so i'm a selfhelp junkie!) that we need to have positive affirmation. We need to visualise having what we want. For the more we see ourselves having what we wanted the more the positive energy will bring it to you. Dalam ertikata lain, kalo ko nak something, u will work harder and harder for it. The positive energy will give u the drive to work hard la kiranyer... One thing about most people that i notice is that their lack of hope. They dream but they dont hope. Even someone i really care about always say that, "aku tak nak hope lah, nanti tak dapat kecewa" . Mana boleh macam tu? That's not the right attitude. So what if you got dissappointed? U are an adult, jatuh bagun la balik! So what if u got disappointed many, many times... I believe that there are two types of hopes. One that u can realise, and u have control over (like getting good grades, getting a good job, losing weight and stuff) the other is hopeful hope. Something that u have no control over, something u can just hope but at the nd of the day it's not u who decide. Getting love from the girl you love or hoping that your fave football team would win in tonite's game or hoping that your boss would be sick tomorrow so that u wont have to hand in that piece of work... those are hopeful hopes. When i go to interviews and i dont get the job, that's because of me. I did poorly, i didnt impress them.. whatever... I dont blame luck. Luck has nothing to do with it. I screwed up and that's that. All in all, hopes within control achievable by hardword and hopeful hopes achieved not as of right but with the help of lady luck. Geddit? No? it's ok... sometimes even i dont get me :P

Baby step: I must know me. My strength. My weaknessess. Capitalise on my strength, try to improve my weaknessess. I dont worry about the stronger side of me. It's the weaker side of me that cries attention. Negativity must go. This is where other people comes in handy. I thank God for all the wonderful people i come to know thru' the course of my life. No matter how irritating you are, i love you. No matter how degrading comments you put on my tagboard, i love you. Coz u teach me how to be stronger. One month ago i would cry and bring down the whole blog, but i now i dont feel down by all the nasty things that's being said about me. I'm stronger. Not STRONG strong, but stronger in that department. Thanks. No matter how much you try to hurt me, u are a blessing to me. Really.

Of course once in a while, i would complain and whine and do that usual self-loathing routine, i hope i would not forget the fact that i'm blessed. If i seemed t forget would anyone please slap me. Thank you.

Analisa

2005-03-18T19:00:00.000-08:00

Sometimes Love Just Ain't Enough

by Patty Smyth

I don't wanna lose you,
But I don't wanna use you
Just to have sombody by my side.
And I don't wanna hate you
I don't wanna take you
But I don't wanna be the one to cry.
And I don't really matter
To anyone, anymore.
But like a fool I keep losing my place
And I keep seeing you walk through that door.

I suspect that the singer doesnt love his partner at all, that he's in the relationship because of companionship or loneliness or even convenience. I dont wanna use you tu memang la ayat bohong semata2 .My suspicion is made stronger when he said i dont wanna be the one to cry. Ye la, he's so use,of having someone doing his laundry and cooking for him, kalau kena buat sendiri mau menangis jugak, kan? And then he proceed to say, he doesnt really matter to anyone anymore. Ye lah, minah tu buat tak tau kat dia, and selama ni org kawan dgn dia pun sebab minah tu. kalau harapkan dia sendiri, mmg tak de kawan la dia... tak berpersonaliti langsung. Huh! Like a fool i keep losing my place... Hah! Sah la it's a marriage of convenience, rupa2nya dia tumpang rumah girlfren dia selama ni. Tu yang bila break, gf dia halau dia n then dia pegi stalk pompuan tuh, tunggu dekat lif... sebb tu dia cakap And I keep seeing you walk through that door.

But there's a danger in loving somebody too much
And it's sad when you know it's your heart you can't trust.
There's a reason why people don't stay where they are
Baby sometimes love just ain't enough.

The guy was actually advising his kid sister when he said There's a danger in loving somebody too much, ye la,jahat2 dia pun dia tak nak la adik dia kena tipu dgn jantan macam dia... and it sad when u know it's your heart you cant trust tu dia actually agak-agak jer. Pas tuh dia try nak explain dekat parents dia apasal dia tak duduk dekat kondo mewah tu dah... there's a reason why people dont stay where they are... ye la, mana cukup cinta palsu dia jer nak bayar sewa. Bila pompuan tu mintak duit nak bil dgn maintenance, dia cakap tak de duit. masa tu la pompuan tu mulai mempersoalkan motif lelaki tu hidup dgn dia. Last2 pompuan tu cakap baby sometimes love just aint enough, dia pun kena kluar rumah tu....

Now I could never change you
I don't wanna blame you
Baby you don't have to take the fall.
Yes I may have hurt you
But I did not desert you
Maybe I just want to have it all.
It makes a sound like thunder
It makes me feel like rain.
And like a fool who will never see the truth
I keep thinking something's gonna change.

Panjang la pulak rangkap nih. Penat la nak explain. To make long story short, the guy admits that he's a fool sebab made the girl leave him. Sound of thunder and feel of rain to biasa la, kalo dah kena tido luar, bila hujan tempias la, bila guruh bunyik kuat and bising sikit. Sampai skarang he's hoping that the ex-gf will change and take him back...duhhhh...

But there's a danger in loving somebody too much
And it's sad when you know it's your heart you can't trust.
There's a reason why people don't stay where they are
Baby sometimes love just ain't enough.

Ulang balik nasihat kat adik pompuan dia.

And there's no way home
When it's late at night and you're all alone.
Are there things that you wanted to say?
Do you feel me beside you in your bed?
There beside you where I used to lay.

Now he realised that there's no way the ex-gf would take him back into the luxurious condominium. Dia macam hope jugak la ex-gf teringat kat dia or gersang ke pas tu cakap something kat dia or nak dia balik... dia pun dah rindu naj tido kat rumah lama sebab sekarang dia asyik tido atas simen, alas kotak2 je...

And there's a Danger in Loving somebody too much
And it's sad when you know it's your heart they can't touch.
There's a reason why people don't stay who they are
Baby sometimes love just ain't enough
Baby sometimes love just ain't enough

last2 the singer knew that his ex is no longer who he thought she was. She has wisen up. Patty knows now that he has to work because he knows now that love is just aint enough... huhu..

pada pendapat aku la...

2005-03-18T11:51:00.000-08:00

Did i see people using my name freely on my tagboard? Lalalalalalala... kawan2, dun believe anything you read on the TB if i want to tell you anything i'll just post it here ok... i dun bring down the tagboard coz i like the fact that ada lagi org lain yang lagi takde kejer daripada aku. Keep it comin'. It doesnt affect me at all. Thank you.

So, yesterday i woke up to the sound of a housemate crying. I was about to pull the blanket over my head when my curiosity hits me. Never too sleepy nor busy to be nosy :P

BF problem. So i gave her my 2 cents and proceed to take my bath. Then, i bumped into another housemate who has swollen eyes. They werent blue, but it looked as if she just finished 5 rounds fighting in one episode of the Contenders. Obviously she's been crying last nite. Poor her. I felt like pulling her under my ketiak and say nice comfortable thnigs but i figured i might as well go take my bath first (kang mati anak orang kang).

So, u want to know their problems? Clue: BF related. One was crying because her boyfriend wouldnt accompany her to go and buy shoes in Sunway Pyramid and another because the BF wouldnt pick up the phone/failed to call her within reasonable time. *reasonable time reads= 1 day.

NOw, stop saying those are small things and my housemates are acting unreasonably. It might seem small to the naked eyes, but to me who knows the background story.. the events that led to the collective tear shedding session.... it goes beyond the fact that my friend cldnt have her shoe and the other one cldnt tell her bf that she got an interview. It goes deeper than that. We fall in love with the smallest of thing. The simplest of gesture. And sometimes, the smallest of things could break our heart, geddit? No? ok....

People been bashing me, telling me i'm desperate, gatal, bodoh and whatever insulting words thinkable for acting and feeling the way i do about turtle. Think and say what u may, but i'm just a sucker who fall for the simplest of things. I knew him for almost 5 years before started liking him. One nite i cldnt sleep, i smsed him and he was at a mamak stall that time. I told him i cldnt sleep. He replied 'aku teman kau sms'. There we were sending sms to each other until i finally dozed off. When i woke up i saw an unread sms on my phone 'apasal tak bls sms aku? kau dah tido ye. Good nite'. That morning i fell in love with him. That simple. But small thing he does also breaks my heart... iskkk...

Anyway, i have a lunch appointment dgn Fadzi. Bena's joining and so i can expect to come in a bit later than 2.30. I better finish up my work now... chiow

Guys... who says DATE is not important??

2005-03-15T17:45:00.000-08:00

I just finished reading an article in the KL Bar Commitee's newsletter. Let me just summarise it to you and point to you how a justice system that is jealously guarded to not prejudice an accused person (becoz according to law a person is innocent until proven guilty) can backfire in so many ways... this is one example:

In law, if you got raped... better remember (i know it's hurtful and hard and some victims would choose to not remember about it) WHEN exactly that rape took place because if you report it to the police, it got to the Public Prosecutor and the PP want to press charge against the 'perpetrator', they would have to specify when exactly the event took place. Exact date. The rationale behind this is, there wont be 'difficulty' should the accused wants to invoke defence of alibi the- but i was somewhere else at that time, wanking and my best friend Jimmy was watching me- kind of defence.

Effect of non-compliance of this- the Court of Appeal (the highest court of the land) has overturned a guilty conviction of a janitor accused of raping his on daughter "on a sunday in 1994, a Friday in 1996 and in their house in 1991" for non-compliance of criminal procedure code i.e: vague charges WITHOUT SPECIFIC DATE of the offence. The janitor walked out a free man. That is his daughter, for godsake.... logically they would always be in the same house and on any day of her miserable life she could be raped by the father. Is she supposed to keep a log book of father's intrusion? The writer suggested that a reform should be made to the penal code so that in incest cases where offender usually lives with the victim, specific date of the offence not needed suffice that the offence take place over a period of time. Kira ok la tu.

So, for us woman (and Kuman... sebab ko jambu skang kannn..). Keep a log book with you. Shit happens. U dont know when you're gonna get raped. Watch your back.